knock knock

my hair has hit the floor. been chopped off, and well, its cute, super duper short, and i can rock the faux-hawk sometimes. once in a while. i havent taken the camera out in weeks!! im constantly rocking my burgundy blazer. im not keeping up with correspondance with those nearest and yet farthest from me. im really consumed with stewart. sigh. i spent so much of my life wanting a partner who was stylish, liked to shop, took fashion risks. someone who paid attention to what he ate. liked buying soy mayonaise, soy milk, organic fruit rather than non-hippie food. a punk kid. a skateboarder. a musician. an artist. a model (!!). someone who likes sex more than me (!!!!!) someone i can feel ridiculously comfortable with. someone who has ambitions (ie. opening a record store that operates as a little indie community). someone who when i say "montreal" says, "quebec city". and we settle on manitoba as our midway point. someone who, also, just like me, barely three months in, feels like its been forever, and that it will be forever, and we're scared, excited, energized and just so happy to spend our few moments together. its weird that i was brought up knowing i didnt need a man (and wanting a woman was okay too!), that i could make it through my life without a partner. but here i sit grappling with the fact that i want a man. a partner. a skateboarder. a musician. a vegetarian. a sex-machine!! and unbeknowest to me, i can actually get it. and hopefully keep it. for good.

an aside from that is that i need to spend more time with friends. tonight im going ot have dinner with a friend, and then watch a movie w/ stewart (he actually has a weeknight off--he got it off to nude model for an art class!!!), sew, do a bunch of readings, i need a lot of clarification on a few things. i need to work more on myself. eat better. sleep more. create create create. xoxo di.

"all the way out"

whoa? its been a bit of a while. ive travelled to vancouver and back. ive eaten yam dip and sweet tater pie at the foundation. ive snarfed a vancouver roll at the eatery. ive discussed diversity. ive discussed the rural model for community coordination. ive discussed my sexual predilictions. ive argued with my mum. ive apologized to my boyfriend. ive hugged my best friend. and my best friend. and my best friend. ive swayed in the lights whilst seeing jenny lewis. ive cuddled with my cat. ive encouraged my best friend to buy his first property. a condo. just on the other side of town. down town. from my house. ive cried my eyes out. frustrated. felt taken advantage of. behind. unable to complete those tasks that are infront of me. unable to. ive told him i loved him. over. and. over. discussed those walls that i continue to build and attempt to bring down. i needed him to say that he will "always" love me. im working on accepting that im loved. and that when he says im awesome, its because i am actually awesome. not just because he thinks that. so. far. to. go...