(format change): a quick thought on body image.

i had an urge to compose this post as being very different from any other post from before. the only consistency is that the post is still about me! i have always seen myself as fat! for the longest time i didnt understand my body. didnt know how to dress it. didnt love it. didnt appreciate its lumpiness. i was taunted in school (just a little bit). but we all know how destructive just a bit of negative feedback can be. so i wasnt very comfortable in my body. and any chance of me challenging that became an effort to be 'fat and proud'. 'im big, im loud, and there's nothing you can do about it!' and all i can now say about that is, "how annoying!!" once, i was waiting at a busstop in burnaby, in the summer. going to sfu. at this point in my life i felt super shitty about myself. i mean i had gained tons of weight. and my relationship was pretty crappy. and i just wasnt feeling too positive. and these guys. these fuckers. they pulled their car over next to me and said, "hey! you're fat!" i was so shocked all i could say was, "thankyou". (how can people be so mean?) yesterday my mum was wearing these really cute pants. spring green cords. with the cutest butt flap pockets EVER. anyway, they were a bit big for her, so i lent her my belt. and lo and behold we're pretty much the same size! and i think that my mum is pretty tiny. and rather than being negative and thinking "im fat" + "almost the same size" = "my mum is also fat". i did this equation: "my mum fits my belt" + "my mum is pretty tiny" - "im fat" + "other friends have also said im not fat" = "hey, im my mum's size....im also pretty tiny!!" talk about making me feel good about myself. boy (im trying to say, "my man", but its proving a bit difficult?) also bugs me saying, "are you being a girl again?" or something to that effect. just graciously normalizing any body issues that may come up when i change my outfit for the umpteenth time, or perhaps put a sweater on when im no really that cold, or pull my underwear up to cover my belly. i love that just by him saying that it puts it into a societal context and reaffirms that there is nothing wrong with me. i am comfortable in my body. i am beatiful. i wear my clothes well. i have awesome style. i am honoured by my own physical presence. i am making positive changes to my physical health. wooot!