winter wonderland

merry belated xmas. i'm busy. surprise! i need to go show someone how to keep knitting and then go pick up the sushi.

it's cold, but beautiful here. more soon.

awe, shucks. (an ode to exhaustion).

it's late but i still feel on the go. last night i was in victoria. i am so happy that i got to catch up (albeit so shortly) with four people and eat room service and get a slurpee on the fly.

i spent my entire day cranky and somewhat on the edge of tears. i had a "presentation" with the leadership team of mcfd, when i thought it was going to be a meeting. i understand their reason for excluding us (and we got to hang out as a team and bond, even if we did dissent), but i left feeling quite tokenized and politicized. some things i heard were, "i hope you didn't spend all your money", "don't worry, the kids are here", "there's some colouring", "oh you knit! you're so smart!", and (not directed at me), "are you a kid in care". i find it so weird that i am tokenized as a "youth" just because i do youth related work. i feel very much like an adult in these settings and i feel that i dont get the work done in these "youth" environments that i want to. my struggle is balancing the professional me (who has an education and skillez) and the youthful me who wears jeans, vans, a grandpa cardigan, and a barstar shirt to a meeting with the ministry of children and families. where is the inbetween?

wishing and hoping.

today was so stressful for some reason. i'm at the point of blaming the fact i'm back on hormones (birthcontrol). i cry every day now, and i had a meltdown when i should have been eating a grilled cheese with soup (for lunch). i ate leftover cake from the birthday party last night and had a scone and an americano and just am going to get off my butt and make the biggest pot of the soul warming miso with everything in it. i spent my entire day (other than crying) tidying a little and knitting this hat. it's my third complete hat, ever.