program rebels in a cruel cruel world

for the past week i've been seriously job hunting. well, not so seriously, but a few hours a day, and we've been thinking about moving, again. i've even applied for jobs in other towns (off-island) and am thinking about applying for jobs in other provinces. i've also applied for jobs here. that talk i had with the woman at service canada really lit the fire under my ass. and it's been a confusing week. i really like it here. we have so many awesome friends (of which have been working to get us to stay! so appreciated!) and when i was leaving the farmer's market on saturday morning i really thought, "this place. i like it."

the thing, though, is that sure, i'm 28, but i don't feel like i'm at a place where i can settle down into a place without having a job that can SERIOUSLY pay off our debts (about 50K in student loans, 14K for our car, and 6Kish for consumer debt) and fast. if we relocated to a place with a really high paying job even if it's in a shitty place or somewhere super COLD (like northern manitoba?) we could work to pay our debts off and then come back, buy a farm, and live the life we want to.

growing up is so hard. i dont know what to do with my/our life. i feel like i'm floundering. i wish someone could just point the way for me. it sucks that in High School I felt like i was told if i went to university i'd get a job and i'd be set. HA.

part of the job hunting, though, means my knitting time has been lacking and i'm super stressed out so there's still laundry on the bedroom floor (folded but needs to get put away) and the dishes i just can't keep up with them. the stress also means my body just fucking hurts and i have less patience for the helvetica dude. i need to just stop and cuddle with him a bit. ok. i'm off to knit. XO

sign me up, i volunteer, votes are in for lifeguard of the year

today was a pretty great day. overall this evening has been shrouded in stress. namely work: i find work very stressful. i find that i am not good at "dealing" with the stress at work. it's not like anything at work is wrong or unacceptable or unnatural or awful. it's strange because the work is exactly like i always thought it would be: fast, busy, desperately difficult, and intense--which isn't a problem. a lot of workplaces are like this but i don't feel like i have the stamina to keep up with it. i don't feel made to be an academic. i just want to curl into a store that i own. that would be the best.

today was great because instead of getting up at 8am to see stewart's childhood friend (their bus was late and it would've been too rushed) we got to sleep until 12:30pm, turn the cbc radio 1 on and listen to stuart mclean, get lazily dressed and go for a drive to blackburn for freecycle-style xmas lights. while driving we were all snuggled into our jackets listening to the newer hotchip and drinking coffees (so good!). stewart andi got to talking about staying in prince george, if we bought a house, where we'd buy it (blackburn--duh!), etc. then we went to denny's for breakfast (mediocre, but not bad! strange!), shopping at hmv and zellers (the mall has driven me crazy). we rented howl's moving castle. we were trying to rent these two other movies: the wizard and drop dead gorgeous. neither of which blockbuster had. i really find blockbuster to be overwhelmin. blah!

stewart's dying his hair blonde right now, and tomorrow it'll go poppy red. too cute. i feel so overweighted by work. i'm going to work a *really* long day tomorrow. up at 6am. bleck. so i'm going to bed here in a little bit. i'm trying to read the great gatsby. supposedly it's one of the best american novels of all time. our bed should be here this week. yay! this is turning into a to do list. i need to destress from work.