moving on an other euphemisms.

i try really hard not to put categories of hierarchy on my friendships. this often leads to me calling everyone my bestfriend, and then getting called on having too many "bestfriends". when really, i just want to be able to portray that feeling of my lovelies all being so close to me that they are my "bestfriends". that aside, i never encountered that the hardest part of being in japan would be that not-so-good, more often terrible and huge barrier-jumping situations would present themselves to my friends that arent here and i would feel tied because i cant cuddle or make tension tamer tea, or run out to the video store to rent dirty dancing because we would all need a distraction. i dont want to be too blunt about this, but a dearest and nearest friend of mine lost a parent on monday and i just stayed awake most of the night willing myself to focus all of my love, energy, and coping strategies to that person. (i had only met that parent once, he gave me a ride home after a concert, but my friend had never said a single horrible thing about him, never had an instance to complain about him, and because of that i garnered huge respect for him and for her.) i dont want to sound like im complaining because i cant be there to pretend that i am "saving the day". that is not my intention at all. i just want to be able to take care of my friends as much as possible, and it is extremely difficult from such a distance. it also puts me in a humbler position and i feel that i have nothing to complain about, ever. so, love, i send you all of my love and hugs and warmth in your bed.


"i bought my first real six string..."

okay, just pictures for now. im reading someone's blog and want to read it all before i post on mine. if that makes anysense. give me an hour. p.s. i was smart last night and drank water and took a crap load of vitamins and pain killers. woot! no hangover. xoxo (okay, its been updated. all below is fresh content!)

me and martin
me and martin. pretty blitzed. he laughed at me when i puffed up my hair and attempted to take this picture a good 15 times. yes, im narcissistic. dont ask twice. but he is cute, no?
my dedicated reader
so, randall made the mistake of telling me he had a blog that was "anonymous" and well, a quick google search and some sweet internet fandangling yielded awesome results. just read the archives. this man has some sweet writing skills. but really? sports? stop talking about sports! this picture is him reading my blog aloud to me and martin in a manner that suggests i didnt write it and that martin didnt read it.

on sunday when martin and i were in yamagata we were walking past punanny and i had to grab a picture of this sign. i mean, i knew martin was sacastic and all...

last night included lots of drinking, me promising yusuke that i would buy him sex and the city season 4. us picking a date for a sex and the city marathon at martin's house (he was in the bathroom, so nominated to be the host), randall wigging out because my cd went from iron and wine to sun kill moon, to him pulling out his laptop and introducing me to spoon, and us singing along to neko's tragic tracks courtesy of the new pornographers. gush. um, more drinking, randall falling asleep early, martin throwing a glass of water on him, drinking more beer (just me at this point), setting the 6:30am clock for randall, falling asleep to tegan and sara, waking up at 5am to rain that is still falling!

after randall left i slept for about 3 hours and had a continuous dream that would continue the moment i fell asleep, uninterupted, a continual linear dream. ive never really had that before, and the content of the dream doesnt make it any easier. but i dreamed that my dad died. he was getting off of a skytrain in vancouver. kind of like burrard station, but different. maybe new? anyway, a bunch of people were coming out of the doors and hit by vehicles and killed. so i dont really remember the linear aspects, just that when i woke up briefly and fell back asleep my dream would pick up from where it left off. i remember being really stressed out about it here. and then being in vancouver some how, and arguing with my mom on my keitai about skipping out on work to come back to b.c. because i just had to see the place where my dad was killed. in true movie fashion the covers/headlines of newspapers were apparent, and while i was sitting outside of this restaurant talking to my mum, this woman just started massaging my feet to help me relax. very interesting. and then i was having flashbacks within the dream (again, just like a movie) to being with my sister and my dad, he was wearing a life jacket, and then moving to post-death and my sister and i arguing because i was freaking out. and i didnt even know he was in vancouver. and the stresses about being in japan and not getting to see my dad for the last time, and not remembering the last time i saw him or spent solid time with him. eventually the dream and the stress from it petered out, and i woke up, in a pleasant mood. but a little off kilter. i know where most of the impetus for this dream came from, its just a little unsettling.


"everybody's hanging out like they've hung out before..."

summer is here.
oh, summer is here! bring on the bright yellow eyeshadow!

today was brilliant. i was supposed to be not spending any money because i am on a ridiculous tight budget. but last week i sort of engineered to get into yamagata and go for ramen and meet james but it didnt work out. hopefully soon. so, martin and i hopped on the 12:30pm train, he showing up so late that he didnt even buy a ticket. i really should have bought him a ticket because well, he's always late. and that's why i love him. anyway, we met up with bec, and her friend akihiko and andrea and went to gusto's in the station for delicious cheeseburgers, martin and i having two beers each. then andrea took us to the 24th floor of kajo central to see the view. it was stellar. i think it will be fabulous at sunset during the summer. then martin and i wandered down to nanokamachi and bought yummy bread (woot!) and he bought cheese, which im sure he's completely finished by now, and then we went for beer at 3521 "a thairong production" and had scones and 3 more beers each. good good. so, now im at home, buzzing, just ate a bunch of custard pastries from said bakery with yummy bread and am listening to hot hot heat. the introspection for the day is thus.
-i am going to miss japan.
-being "married" to martin is all that and a bag of chips
-maybe partnering is a good idea...
-i need to stop complaining about my shit problems
-i need to stop gossiping about people and saying things that dont bring out people's fabulousness. i feel like im a bitch in highschool again and its not cool.
-martin likes akward social situations and i feel like i am in them most of the time. ha ha.
-i am drinking a lot more alcohol than i used to.
-i am going to miss japan. (did i say that twice?...)


"give you something to go on, when i go out, back to the middle of nowhere"

sunset looking towards iide san
yesterday the sunset was killer.

today it was really stormy. i was shrieking in class, with the wonderful yui. terribly fabulous that girl. i will never have anything bad to say about her, i promise. this afternoon i thought that my apartment was actually struck by lightning. i heard the crack before the immediate flash, right before the thunder clap that sounded like it was crushing me. and it's not rainy season!

ive been listening to hot hot heat's "elevator" over and over and over. my favourite song is presently "middle of nowhere". it took about 10 listens to grow on me. and im loving it (about listen number 30 right now).

this evening i created alex at narcissus boy! a new template for his dull looking blog. for such a hot guy, i mean...? so, you can see my presentation for him by clicking the narcissus boy banner below.

narcissus boy


"walked up to your work complex"

so, maybe in your world this isnt big news, but back in lonely sad wet depressing january i wrote a letter to strut, my favourite magazine, and well, they fucking printed it. so fucking cool. so, if you can get your hands on it. um, send me a copy? thanks. when i get it, i'll take a picture and post it here. woot!!

"you owe me an iou"

dirty scrabble.
the dirty scrabble game with the boyz.

can you actually fucking believe it? i lost as dirty scrabble!!! i had the lowest score, it was ridiculous. but i do admit i didnt spell words like "opornholed" or "lecoanaly". or write sentences such as "ripenmyassor" or "buttegohtwirked" (german! who knew!) i stuck to good words like the initial "ripen", "cunting", "rear", and "bait". that game was so much fun. it was good to see the boys loosen up a bit.


"smile like you mean it"

ou line
heading south on the ou line, yesterday.

today it is really beautiful outside. its breezy and the sun is shining, clouds are littering the sky, and birds are chirping from the powerlines, the neighbour's roof, and often my veranda. it feels so rural and un-city like, though i can hear the cars just across the way on the main street. often reving up at the intersection. the banner for the ocha shop is wiggling in the wind. and im behind on my work, but i feel incredible.

this morning i celebrated feeling awesome and overcoming a powerless dream (i hate having control wrenched away from me in my sleep. no wonder i dont sleep in public) by having a splendid breakfast of vegan banana pancakes and shit loads of ice coffee. my mail package came from canada today littered with cds (hot hot heat's elevator, the killers' hot fuss, moby's hotel, and beck's guero) and my mail (ie. "your student loan is currently in arears" and "please define your marital status, us here at the g.s.t. credit branch and tax-idiots are unable to understand that you left your partner over 7 months ago and that no matter how many times you send us in letters and forms signed with information, by both of you, stating the exact date of your separation, we still cant figure it out! nor have we realized that you have sent us back cheques issued for the two of you, and really, we know you'd like that money..but we're stupid remember?") but no magazines! that means that my subscriptions to strut and b.c. studies have lapsed and i will have to renew when i get back. i sure as hell hope that i can buy back issues of strut.

im back to the just wanting sex stage. and im not sure if that's a good place to be.


"attractive dipstick whore"

I love shannon rupp.

-reading: the new sexy
For example, they could arouse interest in books by licensing a dating service where people are matched according to what the read. This is actually a public service. Think of how much effort and energy one could save by knowing that a man thinks of Nick Hornby characters as role models? Want to avoid narcissists and poseurs? Cross off all the candidates who claim to be Doug Coupland fans.

-belittling belinda
"Exposed as power-hungry hypocrites, all the Conservatives can do is raise the spectre of sexist stereotypes as their defence?
Oh yeah, that’s just what we need: a bunch of guys with the mindset of socially and intellectually retarded teenagers running the country."

"and the only way to beat it is to bat it down"

whilst listening to "looking at the world from the bottom of a well"

i love tennis because it makes me all sweaty and hot and breathy and fucking horny! i could just get naked and roll around after that. but instead i come home and have left overs and get angry because purevolume and my computer arent friends anymore.

last night i had martin over for dinner. it was really good. i fucking love tacos. its my new favourite weekly ritual, these dinners. hmm. next week hamburgers. homemade of course! so, i think beer will be in order, no? (hint hint...though i do have some left over from the other day.....)

im beginning to feel like i will miss this a lot when i have to leave. i think it has to do with kalin also leaving her "year abroad" as well as caitlin leaving soon too. it means my time is soon up (yes, i know, a whole 5 months to go!!) especially because jason is leaving very very soon. that's a true indicator that i will also go home. and i want to go home. but i appreciate this so much. so sappy i am.

ive really been missing eden and anna and alex lately. i really wish that i could climb onto the dusty red couch, invite kieran and jess over and rent good movies, picked by jesse of course, eat fresh from the oven cookies, drink smoothies, and just cuddle! ga! i think that i just miss cuddling a lot. i need to stop spooning my futon and fill that space.

p.s. im not listening to peachcake! but to mike doughty. ha ha!


"so if you love me....you know im here waiting for you"

from the balcony at blues hiros
view from the balcony at blues hiro, sakata, sunday

i still feel sick. i feel light headed. my body hates me. and my flat still smells a bit like vomit and beer. and no, i didnt puke.

the lovely yuka is moving to sendai to teach at an international school! so, the ekaiwa group got together to have a going away party for her on saturday. she and martin came over early and we ate dango and began to drink beer, eventually walking to the restaurant with beer in our hands. we ate a bunch of food, i ran into tera, and then satomi and miwako ended up at the restaurant too. totally separate and not expected. so after stuffing our faces and drinking we went to karaoke. because, well, when in japan...
and yuka says she doesnt sing at karaoke!?
yousuke is so serious about karaoke. and terribly cute i might add.

so, after the karaoke yuka and i were dangerously drunk and we walked back to my flat where we consumed way more beer, a bit more dango, and some tofu. at about 4am the sun began to rise and we decided to go to bed. it was so nice being able to have girl talk no matter how drunk we were and i really love yuka a lot and will miss her. but it is the best reason to go to sendai as much as possible.
sunday morning i woke up at 10am to shower and get on the train to go to sakata. but, when i walked into the bathroom the toilet was totally backed up, though it didnt go over the edge, thank god, and i had to (still drunk) get on my bike and go to the supermarket to buy a plunger. im happy that yuka didnt puke all over the floor, and did get it in the toilet. but just not something i wanted to deal with. now my flat is pretty clean, and doesnt really smell. phew.

i was so drunk on the train and pulling into yamagata. because of the stupid lack of transportation to the west coast of yamagata, my intended lunch with bec turned into just coffee a doutour where we showed each other our yonezawa pictures and i complained about how drunk i was. i ended up spending the entire bus ride to sakata (just over 2 hours) fending of a hangover and feeling really sick. so, i rested in the apartment while jason practised his songs for the show, and we just hung out and chilled. it was really nice. he's leaving in about 5 weeks, which is really good for him, but i will miss him a lot.
j and t

this is jason and takashi playing their set in blues hiro. it was really good. ive only heard jason play one of the songs before, at other shows, which is a ryan adams song. it was nice being able to see takashi again. he's really nice. and i just feel really welcome in sakata.

takashi asked me if i liked coke or pepsi. and i prefer pepsi. but he likes coke. so i took a picture of him with said bottle of coke.
blues hiro

the wonderful hiro-san. the owner of blues hiro. kept my oolong flowing and cooked up a stellar meal. so delicious!
zoo station

the boys from the band zoo station. they were fabulous and fun. though i couldnt really communicate with them that well. but they were really cute and fun and we could joke around enough. and the band was tight. tanoshimikatadesyo!

and then at 11pm jason and i drove back to yamagata, arriving at 1:30am, where we drank whiskey, played chez geek (a card game), and finally went to sleep. i didnt really drink all that much, couldnt even finish my one whiskey and coke. i just felt like shit! and now, sitting in my cool flat that is airing out i feel like shit too! sweet!

the weekend aside i feel like im finally getting on top of myself and have just been getting so excited about things and people that ive fucked some shit up, or just havent done things the way ive wanted to. i feel like some people i dont know at all, and they surprise me in a bad way everytime i see them. [sap alert!],but then there's those who amaze me in fabulous ways (yuka, martin, and jason in particular) that i feel like they enrich my experience here and that maybe my memories of japan wont be based on being in japan, but will be highlighted by my friendships with them.


better than i expected. which is saying a lot.

oh the wonderful mike doughty released haughtily melodic just a few weeks back. and i didnt know what it sounded like. but using my love for purevolume ive been streaming "unsingable name", "sunken-eyed girl", and "looking at the world from the bottom of a well". this is comparable to my love for peachcake right now, and i think has surpassed it. i never in a million years thought this man could out do my expectations for him. so listen to it. and buy it. (from your local record store of course.) (p.s. timmy. thank you so much for making me love this man!)
updated to add: i bought haughtily melodic. i just had to. and its costing me 23 american just to have it sent on an airplane to my flat. my gosh, i couldnt wait. hey! dont forget shopping bats down my loneliness.
akayu sunset
heading west on the major street in akayu today (the one with the book off and the joy center). right about where you pass the JTB. such a nice sunset. taken from my boss's car.

today im feeling a lot better. (yes, im still listening to peachcake!) on fridays i have a private lesson with a girl named yui who is 11 and somewhat advanced in her english, though i am the first structured lesson she's ever encountered. but, while her english isnt spectacular, we just get along so well and the whole hour is honestly just conversation. so, i always do a full sixty minute plan for her lesson. this includes writing and making things and talking about things and learning vocabulary and doing chants and stuff. basically today all we did was talk, for 60 minutes. we were doing this dragon hunt chant, and turns out she is the only one of my students that likes dragons. so we talked about dragons for 25 minutes. it was awesome. so, the dragon from the chant has the following characteristics, as applied and invented by yui:
his name is jackie. he is friends with yui. he lives in a big dark cave with a rabbit and a bear, they are friends. he works at yui's junior school. he teaches the language of the dragons. thus he is a ALT (assistant language teacher) working for the JDT program (japanese dragon teaching program). he plays basketball at said school. his favourite food is people, in particular little people. but he doesnt eat cute people, so yui and i are safe (*phew!). and when he goes to tokyo he catches the shinkansen. when asked why he catches the shink when he could so easily fly, yui said it was because he likes the shinkansen. so, i know you dont think its that funny. but we had a blast, used very little japanese (i think two sentences), and she is a total beginner. this friday class will save me.


"you're once more two arms reach away"

i feel like i sound sadder than i appear to be. or sadder than i thought i was. and that ive been putting this beautiful glaze on everything to make myself feel better. i know beautiful people. im doing fun things. i have lots of (alone) sex (ie. when i feel sad i masturbate to make myself feel better. and its really good. i never finish short.) and most of the time i feel on top of myself. so, i dont know what's going on in my head. i finished nihon!go! #2 last week and have finally been passing it around. i think that it comes off as a more "down" diandra than i was going for. compared to the first one i think it comes off as really happy. hmm.

i guess right now im just having conflictions around being that person that talks about her feelings all the time (as if there is a problem with that), and hopes that someone picks up on it. im probably just feeling really homesick and really needing jeff to gawf at something i do, or drawl his voice.

i also realized that when i talk about "the ex" to people here it probably doesnt come off like i am still best friends with him. and our relationship is probably the strongest its ever been because we sorted the shit out. though i doubt we'll go back to it. that's all i have to say about that.

im getting frustrated by my shrinking self and well have finally been able to see the change in my body and that clothes i alter to fit only two weeks ago are too big now. its true that im not eating really. and in the last week ive been really stressed out about work and needing intimacy and someone to just tell me they really like me and they want to spend time with me that i havent been paying attention to my eating habits and thus am not eating. i was beginning to think it was an eating disorder because even tonight i didnt really eat because i was hungry, i ate because i knew i should eat.

i still want to complain about that lack of someone, but i think that i have to stop. im working on erasing the crushes i have on people, which im assuming is for the better unless someone indicates to me otherwise, and its a healthy, yet draining feeling to just realize you were being fucking retarded and that you'd never have a chance with these beautiful, smart, wonderful people. that its not just going to happen. it really destroys the self esteem in a way. so, i just hope that my change in behaviour isnt unsettling and akward.

ive been listening to peachcake and the longranger over and over and over. dancing in front of my computer and memorizing the lyrics. and its good. it makes me feel better. and that i do belong somewhere.


"walked up and turned away..."

so low
im posting this from my phone. im about to take a twenty minute train ride to kaminoyama and usually use this time to reflect. ive been feeling "not myself" lately,and that i am being too honest on this blog. i feel "larger than life" a product of my overreaction to everything and am tired of constantly reverting to loud obnoxious diandra. i miss my quiet, non narcissistic self. i feel like ive been begging for attention, and am finally getting it, but im not sure its the kind of attention i want. im a constant flipflopper who crushes on everything in sight,who cant decide if she wants to attempt to get the one guy she pins for, because maybe being "just friends" will have better results.
i havent really talked about this on here, and its probably b/c its not really a part of my life here, but im really wanting to date women and transgendered people. i know that my whole decision around being queer is based on not limiting my sexuality to a gender system. so i feel weird singling out one gender... but, i think i just want more experience, sexually and emotionally and politically for sure. and i find that it is really difficult for me to obtain that experience here.
ive also been thinking that i will be here for just another 5 months and perhaps not pairing is a better idea. but, it is such a conflict with the side of me that wants to hold someone's hand in a movie theatre, play word games in bed, someone to distract me from work, and someone i can be sexual with. and i just dont know where to go with it all. flip flop flip flop.



better than the postal service!

peachcake is so good and wonderful. ive been listening to the four myspace songs over and over and over. i've put my name on the waiting list for the cd at cd baby and cant fucking wait for it to come in the mail. its just so good. there goes my crush on the bravery.

4 hugs a day, that's the minimum.

today is melissa's birthday! how fucking fabulous is that?? so, i got invited to go for dinner in yonezawa with the "peeps" and had a pretty good time. met a bunch of new people (all really beautiful) and drank almost a full pitcher of 2000yen beer. yum. and had eggplant and tomato pizza. it was quite a bit of fun. i also met randy, who is from northern california, and lives in nagai. when i told him i was "from" vancouver he said that the only thing he knew about vancouver was the new pornographers. which led to a conversation abouthow neko case is really fucking hot. and then just me asking, "do you like? do you like? do you like?". so, t+s, check. postal service, check. the shins, check. sweet!
and, well, ive seen martin four days in a row as of this evening. so, tomorrow we're making a concerted effort to NOT see eachother. which means im not replying to his email in my inbox, and well, i shouldnt be talking about him on the blog like i am now because that's cheating. so, if you're reading this martin. dame! mada! ashita ni aimasen ka?
p.s. if i go to sleep i miss the election madness and get to wake up to a new government in british columbia. hopefully.


terms of endearment

do you find it weird that you know people who have blogs and they brutally will be honest and talk about you on said blogs, and not usually say these things to your face. because they arent really for you, but it just their recap of what happened. and usually there is enough discretion to not say anything horrible, though i did fuck up once, and have deleted one post, only that once. so i find it weird knowing that people i see regularly read the blog, and that what they read they consider to be brutally honest, and yet i dont feel honest at all. i feel like a liar. a fraud. im hiding something. and i feel like a weak person who cant be honest infront of said people. and on the whole they dont mention the things that i find to be walking out on the limb, putting my heart out on the line, as if they didnt exist. when to me it took so much gumption to post it.

i've realized that i've been taking the wrong approach with trying to get someone to read books to me and let me make them pancakes. i've really been taking a few different approaches, the first being the "i'm horny" approach. which died fast, because i was having fun by myself. then i was actually on the "i have a crush on someone" approach, which didnt really work out. and, for the last two weeks or so i've been on the "i'm really lonely and available" approach, which i've realized is the worst approach ever. there's no way to indicate to someone that you have a fucking rough crush on them by telling them that you're lonely. i really wish i had more experience with this. in "high fidelity" the main character discusses the different approaches to dating depending on your age. the teens were just uncomfortable and your friends talking to other friends, etc. and in your twenties its easy because you can just be brutally honest and tell someone you like them. and just assume that they like you too. and rejection is nothing. supposedly. so, how do you just approach someone and tell them that you like them? ha ha. "well, diandra, you just approach them and tell them you like them. that they're cute, terribly fabulous, and rock your socks." (thanks t-rex!)

that aside, i feel a lot lighter. today i was called "treacle" which i didnt know the definition for at the beginning but turns out to mean "a medicinal compound formerly used as an antidote for poison." (or molasses, cloying speech or sentiment, an expression that is excessively sweet and sentimental, etc..hmm) also, at the ekaiwa we played a game where you put a fault and quality of yours on a separate pieces of paper and into a hat, and then as a group discuss who it was you think had the quality. no one thought that it was i that wrote "narcissist", but infact thought it was martin! even martin didnt guess me, even though yesterday, in the car i was saying really loudly, "i'm so narcissistic!!!"

the long ranger

this group fucking rocks.
they're from seattle. played a show with t+s

you can hear sound clips/download here. my favourite song is roller skates. but they make we want to dance so bad!


this is why...

im a feminist. is it really that hard?
route 13
route 13. saturday night. going to yamagata.

right now im sick. yesterday i taught a class with two sick 3 year olds. that combined with my lack of sleep and work stress has made me sick. so snotty and sneezy and i have a head ache. im constantly starving for affection and im not sure which boys around me are available and i just want to sleep next to someone, make them pancakes in the morning, and then read books to each other. is that too much to ask?
i've been getting really good hugs lately, today someone actually managed to crack my back in the process, and just randomly touching people (read: serial flirt when drinking) on their knees, backs, arms has made me feel alot better. (ie. today i gave a friend a massage and felt a lot better after). but they're not really touching me back, minus the hugs.

this weekend i have been way too social, have burned through 10,000yen, but it was spectacular. last night i went into yamagata for satomi's birthday party. i got to meet a bunch of really cool women that live here in akayu, went to a really good izakaya (i know i spelled that wrong) and then after we went to j's bar and got really drunk and "shook our tailfeathers". and joel whipped my ass at connect four. and i suck at darts. then today a bunch of us went up to kaminoyama to watch the towering inferno with steve mcqueen. really slow and fabulous it was. then after that melissa, sousuke, dave and i went for tonkatsu, and then into yonezawa to play pool and watch television. those people are so beautiful and wonderful. melissa had the postal service on her ipod, gush, and well, said ipod rocks me.

so now im consuming the largest portion of yakisoba ive ever had and am about to head to bed. i have so much shit to do tomorrow i want to cry. xoxo.



okay, so this is kind of my messaging service. and im not even sure if martin reads the blog or not, but well, he'll be redirected to this so that he can see these comics. but im so happy because i've found real life comics which ive been looking for for a while, but couldnt remember the name. but alas. its been found, and this comic is very relevant to a partical michio san who ive never met, yet hear of his awesomness everywhere i go. maybe he is a leperchaun? hm.
read first
read second

but i hear i get to meet michio next week. so it's all good.
alas, work work work. gaaa! booom!


how many cans?

may 3rd, 2005. after the uesugi battle.

today i still feel like shit. ive started eating cereal again. im terribly unmotivated to do anything. and im starving for human affection. i just want to hug and cuddle. all day. all night. and go dancing.


image heavy.

oh the plethora of pictures. p.s. im nursing a relatively brutal hangover and eating anything starchy in sight.

chucks 2
my new shoes!

aren't they beautiful! only 3,990 yen. about $42 canadian? and well, they're my new babies. my first pair of chucks. so japan! gaaa!

this 30,000yen bag is the reason that i need a sugar daddy. quick.

the power station on the west side of kajo central in yamagata, yesterday. i thought it was really cool, and then my camera jiggled a bit and it duplicated the fence. nice touch.

okay, so last night i had a dream that i was sharing a flat with someone and this japanese family, a sort of homestay. things got sexual in the dream and i was left completely unsatisfied and the person in my dream only wanted me for sex, that one time, and it was rejecting. its making me consider my motives and my wants in a possible partner, whether its just sex or what have you. i guess right now i just want to feel wanted ("i want you to want me! i need you to need me!"). in said dream i also snuck into a strip bar/snack bar, not good for women in japan, as was portrayed in my dream and i met another woman and think had some queer experiences. i cant really remember. the entire dream happened in japan with people that ive met from here. i think its my first dream that has been entirely based around circumstances here.

im thinking about buying a minidisc player.

well,.... i got one to work.

some random factory on the west side of kajo central in yamagata. today was beautiful hey?

hmmm. (yeah, that's it).

right now im buzzed and buzznet isnt allowing me to login so i can post the fucking awesome pictures i took today.
this evening i partied like it was 1999 with the owner of a sake shop and some of my japanese teachers. what wonderful women. it was a blast. the gyoza was amazing. and did i mention free beer because it was at said sake shop.
so much for now, i will post pictures later. damn, im dehydrated.
love love,
p.s. hug me more.
xoxo diandra.

new food is rejecting.

my new food review for mcsweeny's has been rejected. so, for those of you below who would still like to read it, here it is.
by the way, its really hot outside and i feel disgusting. yuck.
by the way, x2. just because i think that carole james is ugly doesnt mean you should vote for the liberals. i think you should vote for the ndp or the green party. but, i still think the liberals will win. (again, though i dont want them to).

the tofu donut kingoma
The U.S. has Dunkin' Donuts and Krispy Kreme. Canada has Tim Hortons,
and now they're sharing! But Japan, the have Mister Donut! Modelled
after a donut shop in "SanFrancisco's Chinatown" Misudo has you
typical 300yen coffee, nikuman (steam buns with pressed meat pattie
inside), and bad "soba". They also have the usual run of doughnuts:
the old fashioned, that chocolate one with almonds or coconut on the
outside, and the French Crueller. Regarded by most foreigners I've
met as "even worse than" those North American counterparts, I have
managed to find a soft spot in my heart for Mister Donut. Most
recently spurned by my attention to the Tofu Donut Kingoma. Yes,
that's right, a TOFU DONUT. Modelled after their famous Ponne de
Ring, the Tofu Donut Kingoma is the squishy moist, delicious, sweet
version of said Ponne de Ring. It's really heavy, falls apart easily,
and melts in your mouth. Best yet! It's covered in toasted sesame
seeds. There is even a Cocoa version! The best part? It takes away
all donut-eating guilt. I mean, you're eating Tofu!


by the hair on your nose.

well, for all of you b.c.-ers that are reading, you are well aware that there is a provincial election coming up. and guess what? my ballot hasnt shown up in the mail yet. so that's two elections in a row im not voting (previous federal and this one). and its kind of frustrating. but i was on the phone with tim and i mentioned how i think that gordon campbell will win this election on looks alone! now, im not saying that i want him to win!! and im not saying that i think gordon campbell has the "look goods". but, no offence to those two other parties who have a chance of winning some seats, green, and NDP.. i think that campbell is somehow the more pleasant to look at. well, i take that back. its not pleasant. and id rather not look at any of them. but, well, he's easily more likeable from a popular-culture standpoint. lets take a look shall we?
edited to add: after this was posted for two minutes i decided that some of those below were just too ugly to have permanent pictures on my blog. so, ive given links. now the overall appearance is fabulous. i couldnt to stand to look at all those ugly people at one time. (yes, i know im awful)

in these pictures they all seem so happy to be running in this election. and to be sacrificing all their time just to get us all rowdied up for this election! so, my theory is that only beautiful people get elected. lets look at the previous american election. in no way am i saying that bush is "good looking", but come on, kerry?

hmm. now only if howard dean didnt drop out of the bid to be president. now, he was "good looking" (in comparison)

howard dean

and look what the american public went and (stupidly) did? they elected the better looking man. now, the only case where i have seen this fail is the last federal election. particularly the new conservative party's choice of a leader. i mean, stephen harper, or belinda stronach?

stephen harper

belinda stronach

hmmm.? which one do you think would have beaten this guy?

paul martin
..(almost worth being conservative isnt it?)

so, the thing is that i, in my honest, shallow opinion, would rather be governed by someone that is somewhat beautiful, rather than a troll. i want to have confidence in my leaders that not only are they smart, nice to their wives, run a country well, but damn, they can look fine doing it. so, if anyone knows any of these following people. please forward them my plea to run for any office in canada. i will move to your riding and join your party (as long as you remain pro-choice) just so that i can be governed by you.

leslie feist for premier!

jian ghomeshi for minister of canadian culture (and being hip)

george for the ministry of labour and the environment

tegan and sara for ministry of equality (and being hip)

see? how hard was that!? now get out there and vote!


the "dancehall" revolution and the hunt for history.

1000 year old bridge. kaminoyama.

kaminoyama castle.

right now im singing usher's "you remind me". bah! don't laugh! ha ha. does anyone else fucking love that song. damn that usher and his ability to make grown women horny and young women cry with delight. oh how i hate what popular american culture has done to me.

today i jumped in joel's half-dented demio and we went for a drive to kaminoyama and i showed him a bunch of places that he didnt know existed, and saw some that are hard not to miss, ie. kaminoyama castle. we ate cheap soba, and drove through big puddles of water from overflowing lakes (yes, yes) and rice paddies. so fabulous. and he decided to take his demio up this dirt road by lake biruzawa, ive never seen such a small car pull "off roading" capabilites. and then, hmmm. i dont know. he's fabulous! anyway, right now i think i might hunt for some ice cream, have a nap or something, and then go to the ekaiwa tonight! oooh, read the rentboy diaries. search through the archives. a good place to start is the "biography". steamy reading...


straberry sugar and other japanese pop bands of the new generation

minami yonezawa
minami yonezawa

quick notes because its 3am and im exhausted (as a list):
-dont ever take a nap from 5pm until 11pm.
-today is my mom's birthday, well, in japan.
-im planning an august trip to EXPO 2005. how fucking cool is that?
-i must reitterate that i really like sex and want to have lots of said sex. preferrably right now, but that's not going to happen. again, im exhausted.
-marmalade went missing on the farm that i sent her to (read: she was probably suicidal and ended up killing herself). but they havent seen her for a few days. and im not as sad as i should be. that's not good.
-ive been listening to a lot of tegan and sara lately.
-tomorrow when i get up i will work on my zine all day and finish it!
-i want to watch a movie (and makeout). read: if you live in yamagata, please call me!

oyasumi. xoxo!


"i dont know why. but we like a narrow place."


i love how buying cheap stationary in japan makes me feel really cool. so hip and so on top of my own self-made image! oh yes, the stigma that i attach to this 100yen stationary that i buy because it's english is amusing, and then images oh so cute. what will i do without you?

what was your favourite book as a child? the most memorable stories for me were millicent and the wind (my mom had a pocket sized one she used to carry around in her purse for when we waited with her at doctors offices, banks, and other associated errands-based places. i had this same book framed on my wall in burnaby, and now it sits next to my bed.), a promise is a promise, and the paper bag princess (which i think every canadian kid knows inside and out), and lastly chapter six from the hobbit (the gollum chapter), and only that chapter. aside from the hobbit my life was completely dominated by the wonderful robert munsch. this man so wrote my childhood. and many others. so, today i just laminated my un-slangy version of the paper bag princess that i will teach to my students. how exciting! woot!

i feel like im getting a cold sore. i havent been making out with anyone with them, or giving head to random people with herpes, or sharing food/drinks with those who have facial herpes, so hmm. where could it be coming from? they never stick around. maybe im just dehydrated, or perhaps herpes is airborn here. that would make for an interesting news story. okay, and i know that you dont do all the reading that i do, but it is imperitive that you check these things out because they are pretty interesting and have been hogging my attention for most of the day:
Japan to pull troops from Iraq by Dec. 14 (japan times)
Teen back in B.C. for cancer treatment (cbc b.c.)
Seishun Juhachi Kippu
Kluster Stuff/my sister is weird


oh boy, gyoza breath.

i feel like im officially drowning under the weight of debt. like its out of my control. and while i am trying not to go into deeper debt, no matter what i do, it keeps going. and going. and going. and that im living way above my means, which is true, i have been letting the money override me, but really, i feel like i have nothing to show for it, and that the measley payments im making on my student loans fell like drops in the bucket. i recently emailed the wonderfully creative woman at obsessive consumption with my debt load email;

to kate

this is very liberating. like de-shaming myself. (thank you!!)
i owe...
-my boss 90,000yen (about 1,000cdn.)
-my mom/her husband $2600 canadian.
-my dad $172 canadian (he paid a dental bill for me).
-credit cards:
visa 1,414 canadian.
mbna 1,600ish canadian.
capital one 900ish canadian.
-student loans total about 25,000canadian.
-i was 4 months behind on said loans so i owe them 2000
canadian immediately. ha ha.

think that's it.
xoxo diandra

dont forget to add the extra taxes i will have to pay when i get back on this year's salary, oh just a measly $3600canadian

i didnt get everything i wanted done this week. didnt finish my work. didnt finish my zine. didnt make a circle skirt. and got really jealous of jason's stories of his trip to tokyo. egads. but, i made more t-shirts, studied japanese, and slept! and now i just want to cry myself to sleep. im exhausted and work isnt motivating. i feel really confined by these money issues right now. and my back hurts from the sun burn. and my eyes hurt because im allergic to my face cream. and i hate myself for being so whiney. gaaa! okay, i'll stop now. so, if anyone knows of a place with the good salary (minimum $15 canadian an hour please!) then hook me up. oh, and in vancouver. (yikes, im in a shitty mood).


sun burns and cracked skin

im really tired and am need of a hard core sleep, but must say this. today fucking rocked! ive got a wicked sun burn, the skin on my shins is cracking, i saw my super cute students at a parade, and spent the whole day meeting new people and being picked up like the wayward gaijin lamb i am. oh, and drinking beer. and watching people fight each other in traditional samurai uniforms, getting free traditional sandals, and meeting someone from prince george (!!!) who went to SFU (!!!) and still managed to do work and sew. did i mention that i've got a sun burn.????. hmmm.
the samurai formerly known as bec

this is bec, new friend who is so fabulous. its nice being with people who call you sweetie. ooh, so we saw this samurai and just wanted a picture, but he ended up asking if we wanted to get into samurai gear. i didnt want to, but the others did. so, this is bec in her gear.
samurai fight!

this is the battle, in the heat of it all. did i mention it was so hot? so hot that tar was melting, and subsequently stuck to my shoe.

so, after the battle i hung around on my own, which was good and then met up with yonezawa gaijin, all new to me, and found all the connections, and met the lovely lady from prince george and, ahem, drank lots of beer. and caught the train home with an older student, it was his birthday! (not my student, but from a yonezawa school). so fab. kyo wa tottemo sugoi deshita!


now in two languages!

this is just a managerial note: ive added a link for the japanese-version, ie. babelfish translation, of ohsweetie. if the link doesnt work for some reason, there is also a link for babelfish itself. yay altavista!

today i went to the uesugi matsuri. tomorrow i will go to the matsuri. so an full account will happen tomorrow probably.


ohanami attempt three.

tonight i met up with aki, daisuke, shoko, yuka, tom, martin, michelle, sasaki and his family, and mattie showed up for a bit, and we went to karaoke and some ohanami at ebushiyama. well, the karaoke was after. tiffany's "i think we're alone now" really got the group going, and honestly its my favourite karaoke song. now my trademark. martin was super genki! below is a picture of sasaki-san's son. i cant remember his name, rocking the microphone. you can see more pictures at ohsweetie at buzznet
chan does karaoke

oyasumi nasai!