#25: get red tomatoes this year

Still in progress!
tomato and pepper plants!
peppers on the left, tomatoes on the right. i think that the paper cups are the best bet for my growing standards. the little toilet rolls need to be watered all the time, and they're molding. it's annoying.

not tomatoes, but gardening anyways! arugula and some lettuces. baby cilantros are sticking their little necks out too. must weed some more, pull all the arugula (it's already starting to bolt!! and i want to make LOTS of pesto..but i'll keep some arugula for seed). it's so good. in salad or whatever. yip!


cybernetic meadow

first off, may has been absolutely busy and just a good wallop on the head. it seems like it was *just* easter and we were *just* in vancouver, but the busy-ness of work and roller derby have obviously conspired against me and BAM! here i am post-may long weekend and so few May 2011 posts to show for it. (i also blame my expired flickr, but that's neither here nor there). what i also don't understand is that i just dumped some pictures onto my computer and went back through my may/april photos and there isn't a single photo of us in vancouver. which means it's official: we have a toddler. and doing anything other than take care of him is exhausting. i have barely knit in forever and can't really use the computer when he's around. that being said, hanging out with him and cuddling in bed with him are the best. just the best. i'm not going to say something cliche like "this is what all the hard work is for"..because it's not. the hard work sucks regardless of the cuddles. but the dude. he's pretty fun! (and walking everywhere! and running too!)

this weekend we went with the ladies to miracle beach. it rained. and i slept (ie. cuddled with seth) a lot. but it was nice to get out of the valley (though i've done it so much lately). it was also great to be UNPLUGGED and not at work. oh yeeeaaaah.

the whole time i couldn't help myself from being so happy that we live on this island. i want to go camping again. once i get all the laundry washed and the camping stuff de-sanded!!


so full it's sick bleck i should just be vegan or something

tonight my aunt made dinner for my mom and us (mother's day, my mom's birthday) and i don't know what it was (factory farmed beef?) but i feel super sick. actually, i blame all the chips we ate before hand waiting for the dinner to get to the table. yick.

what is it about KIDS and garlic bread? i don't really get it. i have to work harder at making sure seth doesn't grow up on carbs. bleck.

i'm so pooped from life. and it's only after a few hard days with seth that i go, where'd the days go? he's teething some molars and is just such a person suck. way more than usual (eg he wont go to bed on his own right now, must either sleep with us or cuddle to sleep = so draining). i've picked up some knitting again to just ease my mind a little bit. it's a little crazed. i really need to get my hands on some vega to give me a boost. i need it. xO


getting into all kinds of trouble.

when i wrote that post for shameless i seriously fucking held myself back. i thought, "i should be eloquent, i should be somewhat polite, and i should be considerate of the complexities of it all". and then a few days later jill over at feministe posted about 'calling out' culture in feminism and has really gotten a shit tonne of comment responses (and she has even willingly engaged the commentors to smooth out some edges). and then Jess spoke up when she got back to the internet about the whole she-bang.

all this to say that i wanted to address some of the shit from the feministe post and to really get to the root of what i was talking about (b/c even with the incredible transformation shameless has undergone, i feel like i needed to couch my complaint a bit).  Jill was great about identifying that this "wasn't about me" or the article in particular and i even emailed her to say thank you for pumping up the dialogue about it. we need to storm before we can norm. but i'm so fucking sick of using we and dont want to be part of feminism any more though i die for feminism over and over because i love you! but i'm not stupid enough (anymore) to say that the reason i didn't hear about something was because no one told me. that was the old me and i've pushed through that (and it was hard). it is MY responsibility as an image of the oppressor (even though i sure am fucking oppressed by patriarchy still) to open MY world enough to let shit in. and if my world isn't open enough that's my fault. MY FAULT.

the way that i always try to ground myself in my whiteness and take a good fucking look around is to say, "my friends are all white" (and most of them are). or where am i working? is everyone white? what am I doing to make myself examine my place as a white person in this white organization. how the fuck can i hold YOU accountable for being racist and exclusionary. it's not "how can i get meself some racial friends" but "what about me makes me EXCLUSIONARY of POC ?" not that having POC friends would all of a sudden make everything "OK" but that if I want to truly say that i'm "inclusive" I have to walk the talk. and that's what Jill was referring to, but her anger was misguided because you ain't know nothing about me!

i want to so badly respond to Jill's notion of "fill the fucking gaps" but i don't want to qualify the day-to-day grind i do engaging, challenging myself, and working for my community and being THE white kid at the meeting that when someone says, "we want aboriginal representation at our meeting" that they think that i'm their person b/c i work at the friendship center (and i'm not that person!). i always respond, "oh, that's nice? which NATION did you want representation from?" and you know what the answer is every time? "oh, it doesn't matter, anyone will do". NO any one won't do. As whities claim to our "racial heritage" when explaining our privilege and to make it look like we have some "depth" to our "background" (eg "i'm irish and scottish and english and porridge and mashed potatoes and other white shit"), then whities also have to allow "Native Americans" or "Aboriginal" people to have complexities in their cultural and political groups. We have THREE Nations within a bike ride of our house, educate yourself and make an informed decision!

last, this isn't about me doing it better, i think it's about me not seeing mainstream feminists (not jill in particular!) doing it at all. (and then making excuses when getting called out).


busy bee!

that's it!
see HOME SWEET HOME for my busy-ness
and SHAMELESS for my other busy-ness
and DERBY for the rest of it
(and more!)

my kitchen counter on saturday
Making ricotta and foccaccia
Growing Tomatoes!
mmm, ricotta on foccaccia = SUCCESS!