"Ecstasy is something people seek. It feels better than good; it feels, well....ecstatic. We experience it in tiny bursts and in bigger surges. It enables us to recognize the sacred nature of our own being as an experienced fact, not merely a theory or article of faith. Ecstasy is not something we can make within ourselves, but something that flows through us when we open ourselves up to it. It fills us with power and with the motivation to grow, to become what we have the positive potential of being, and to fulfil our purpose in being here and now on this planet."
It's been building for a few weeks but this week things just took hold. I've been feeling better, liking myself more, being comfortable with who I am and who I want to give my energy to. This week was also the bringer in deciding that I didn't have to experience depression anymore. I've had bouts of anxiety/stress this week, but the depression is acknowledged and gone (possibly, just for now). Like, I had a number of moments where I felt shitty or felt worn out from too much "up-ness" but I practiced keeping my manics more steady and the crash didn't come. Sure, I was tired and wrestled with some emotional stuff this week and cried my face off a lot (whilst listening to The Con obviously) but I didn't fall into the depressive stuff. And every week for the last few years I fell into that. For the longest time I equated the "ecstasy" with the "manic"...but this time it's different. My life is changing, I'm in charge. Now, if I can only learn to re-open this mother fucking heart of mine, then we can get somewhere monumentous.