sleepy eyes

yaya! super blurry yoghurt shot

i thought i'd do a quick post before i started my work for the day. seth starts daycare on the 4th and until then i'm working when stewart's home and in every little minute i have. last week i put in 20 hours. on top of everything else (not instead of). basically what it means is that 1. i'm exhausted, 2. we had take out when we can't afford it, and 3. i'm behind on a few projects (like a tutorial for another blog, my sweater, etc). and i'm really exhausted. i can't really keep track of my days and have to spend more time than necessary trying to remember what i did yesterday or a few days ago. i can't wait until he goes to daycare. i think the first day i'm going to use that time to sleep rather than work (it'll only be a partial day anyway) and then the next day start working full on.

i've been doing a lot of holiday knitting, too, which is kind of poopy, because i'd rather be knitting my sweater!!! AND another sweater's worth of yarn is on it's way to me and should be here today! but i can't very well cast on for another sweater when i'm still not done my sweetgum. and, after that i have some mini mini test pieces and schematics to finish for a submission i'm sending into twist for next fall's issue (finger's crossed i get accepted!). if it doesn't get accepted i'll be working on the pattern steadily and then probably self publish (as i already missed the deadline for knitty). and if knit.1 was still around that'd be perfect :( i had a dream the other night that i was walking around topless (!!) and at one point i had a moment of shame and remembered to put my shirt on. and it was this grey, malabrigo knit, leaf lace, pullover sweater (short sleeved). it felt so nice on my skin. but it's also nothing i've ever seen before. so that's another design i might put together!! haha. there's also a sweater i want to get the design on. but first things first. i also realized that "knit 5 sweaters" doesn't have to be just for me. stewart wants a freddy krueger sweater and i'll probably knit my sister a sweater for her birthday (surprise!haha). so that leaves only 3 for me.

i borrowed the new skinny bitch cookbook from the library the other day and finally got to sit down and read it while seth was in his bath last night. the skinny bitch books always trigger me because they're unapologetic with the bitchiness, but also VEGAN lifestyle books. of all the "get fit get healthy" books out there this series is probably my favourite. i have such a political struggle with weight (more so than a personal struggle i think, because when ever i think about it personally the political side takes over and i forget about my issues) and FAT. anyway, the book reinspired me to take on some food stuff (got to start somewhere!) and my sugar stuff (white flour will follow soon...i just LOVE it so much!). so, last night i've decided (how many times have you heard this? hahahaa) to restrict my refined/brown/cane sugar intake to one item/experience a day. for example, if i have brown sugar in my coffee, nothing else i eat during the day can have refined sugar in it. it's way better than cutting it all out and testament to how much sugar i'm actually inducing. it doesn't mean that if i go to have a cookie i can only have one, but it means i can't have two now and then two later. just the two that one time. does that make sense? but it also means that i can't have things with high fructose corn syrup (hurrah!) and will have to be an eagle eye on any canned goods i buy.

with the sugar restrictions i've decided to put a number to my meat eating/vegetarianness. i'm only going to have meat meals at dinner and only every second day. so that's 3.5 meat meals a week! we're probably eating less than that as it is, but stewart's excited to know he'll eat meat at home every few days. haahah. after i can nail that i'll focus on dairy and eggs (though i love them). my meat thing too is going to aim to only eat local meat. but we'll see how that goes.

OK, i should go do work. the child's fallen asleep on the couch next to me (his little snores are SO CUTE) and i should brush my teeth and login to my work.

Christmas is SOOON! so excited!!! XO

they call it way too rowdy, we call it finally free

right now this is my favourite thing. i've kind of resisted buying it because i know that it would go to a better home and i've been so distracted with thesis i've pretty much only paid our bills and spent money on food and some tights/runners, etc. oh, and rollerskate wheels which should be here sometime tomorrow just in time to get them on for practice.

i am so sick of looking at my thesis. i went to go finish formatting my last chapter and i should have tackled it easier b/c i was having such a hard time transitioning it from pages to microsoft word for mac. so i've just pdf'd it without any of the fun. and my scans from UNBC last night I SCANNED THEM WRONG. while it only took me 20 minutes I Have to do it again. gr. and, i guess in this whole process our house has been turned upside down by it's lack of "maintenance" and my contracting work has totally fallen behind and i'm SO BURNED OUT!!! i mean, i can't even find my charger for my camera battery to show off anything around me right now. i just feel so brain dead.

over the past few days NOT being on facebook has been awesome. i like finding different ways to communicate with people and spend less time trolling people's information and checking out cool things like blogs or just avoiding the computer in general (minus my school work). i really want to sew some things! it sounds like a gal pal and i are doing a table at the farmer's market this summer and we're getting together on friday night to scheme up names for our booth. to date it sounds like we're going to be selling home made/all natural beauty products like face masks and soaps and body scrubs as well as other crafty stuff. FUN!!

off to just stare into the abyss. aside from emailing my documents to copy services in the morning this shitty shitty first draft is done. yes.

i'm feeling really low today. ups and downs. i'm super overwhelmed, which is not fun, and have officially decided and told that i'm not renewing my contract and have nothing lined up for April 2nd. the one job i feel like i was made to believe i would have in the bag i didn't get an interview for, well, not yet anyway. and then a coworker and dear friend also submitted her resume for the same job and got an interview, and i told her about the job. so, it kinda sucks, and it's just the way things are i guess. i'm doing these readings and to write this scholarly review on feminist standpoint but i don't know really where to start. i could be low on energy (spent a lot of my time in thriftstores today=good, but also "urban planet" and "warehouse one" which made me feel oversized, fat and ugly--nothing there fits me!!!!!!!). but a dear friend of mine bought these shoes and is sending them to me!! yay! i'm very excited to rock them. this summer seems the summer of keds! could be f.u.n.! okay, now i need to be serious, juice myself some carrot-orange-ginger juice and get a-reading! eeps. not enough time, not enough time.

i'll take it anyway you let it go...

so i just sent off the email to my employers telling them that i need to not renew my contract. it was *very* hard to write. right. you get it. i'm nervous about their reaction. that's a problem! i don't have secure work for after that date, but have a few options, a few recommendations, and have a job interview next tuesday. this whole thing stresses me out. not the quitting b/c i don't have an official job next (i hate not being in a secure situation), but stressed about how they'll respond, how much work i have to do in the next month, papers, assignments, all that jazz. it's not the best place to be, but it'll work out, this is my destiny!

this morning on the way to work, i catch the bus now, i'm trying not to drive my car re: global warming, need to take responsibility!! and this puppy had followed this other woman to the bus stop and it was so cute, and shaking, and had no tags, though it had a collar, and it followed us on the bus, and i had to kick it off. no one else took responsibility for the dog though. as i kicked it off an elder picked it up and gave it love. i'm not sure what happened to it, but ran into kellen (new friends, yay!) and he talked passionately about how it could have been the littlest hobo, it seemed smart, and then more about the show. we joked about the wits of a dog travelling along long transnational highways stopping in small towns to get everyone to like eachother again and pull random kids out of wells and house fires. oh hobo, litte (esq). we have yet to name you puppy. but now i want a dog! gack, i'm still nervous! i'm going to write some proposals for conferences and then go for beer and go home to bed! yay! xoxo.