I could see for miles, miles, miles.

This past week has been so utterly insane and overwhelming and so full of amazing and wonderful things. Early in the week I pulled a life force card that signified ecstasy, joy, rapture, and motivation. I've just wholeheartedly decided to open myself up to this energy and let it flow.

"Ecstasy is something people seek. It feels better than good; it feels, well....ecstatic. We experience it in tiny bursts and in bigger surges. It enables us to recognize the sacred nature of our own being as an experienced fact, not merely a theory or article of faith. Ecstasy is not something we can make within ourselves,  but something that flows through us when we open ourselves up to it. It fills us with power and with the motivation to grow, to become what we have the positive potential of being, and to fulfil our purpose in being here and now on this planet."

It's been building for a few weeks but this week things just took hold. I've been feeling better, liking myself more, being comfortable with who I am and who I want to give my energy to. This week was also the bringer in deciding that I didn't have to experience depression anymore. I've had bouts of anxiety/stress this week, but the depression is acknowledged and gone (possibly, just for now). Like, I had a number of moments where I felt shitty or felt worn out from too much "up-ness" but I practiced keeping my manics more steady and the crash didn't come. Sure, I was tired and wrestled with some emotional stuff this week and cried my face off a lot (whilst listening to The Con obviously) but I didn't fall into the depressive stuff. And every week for the last few years I fell into that. For the longest time I equated the "ecstasy" with the "manic"...but this time it's different. My life is changing, I'm in charge. Now, if I can only learn to re-open this mother fucking heart of mine, then we can get somewhere monumentous.


epically terrified.

I wrote this article for the Shameless Mag blog about the dissolution of my marriage. You should read it. I've read it a hundred times. The last paragraph still makes me exhausted and teary. I'm super exhausted right now and am retreating even more. I'm so so so so honoured to have so many wonderful supportive people in my life. Not sure I could do this (life) without them. I know I couldn't. I'm working through a laundry list of 22 things to sort out mentally/emotionally without much urgency. Giving myself time to 1) not process everything 2) be in the darkness in an accepting and loving way towards myself 3) not feel pressured to make every bad feeling a good feeling or every bad situation a good situation 4) to be courageous to love others and myself more authentically/epically/truthfully 5) trust myself that I make good decisions and can make more good decisions and will continue to make good decisions.

Played derby last night. The Con's weekly rituals came to a close and I was happy to get out there and skate my ass off. I've come so far and feel so good. I didn't fall very much and continued to feel incredible shame about how physical I am in this game (and how many people I just fucking bulldoze). I need to figure that one out (add it to the list).


I feel really fucking good right now

I've always thought I'm awesome, but I'm learning to live it more. A major shift for me in the past few weeks has been acknowledging my vulnerability and being more OK with what that looks like. Most often this means giving myself space, particularly socially. I'm grounding, reconnecting, listening to lots of riot grrrl music, pop music, getting outside, feeling better.

Don't know what you think you saw
You didn't know at all
Lost sight of who you are
Came to make a connection
Force myself in a dimension
Lost sight of myself



This coming week I'm guest lecturing at the university on my favourite thing: grrrls who make media. It's only one hour and with all the pre-amble about the male gaze, media ownership, and what feminism means to me, I'll only get to show a handful of videos (and then talk about them). It's really important to me that when talking about women who make visual media that the content be representational and include a number of intersectional voices: queers, women of colour, women who live or have lived in poverty, women doing it on their own, women who experience colonization. The walls of academia are so white washed and popular feminist media is exceptionally racist I have no interest in furthering heteronormative white voices in these forums. Over it.

Mary Lambert interview on Q (http://www.cbc.ca/q/popupaudio.html?clipIds=2407370855 - 15:01)
Grimes manifesto (http://actuallygrimes.tumblr.com/post/48744769552/i-dont-want-to-have-to-compromise-my-morals-in-order)
MIA documentary leak (http://www.stereogum.com/?p=1399922)
Lauren Mayberry of Chvrches statement (http://www.theguardian.com/music/musicblog/2013/sep/30/chvrches-lauren-mayberry-online-misogyny)

Jeepneys & Low Leaf ::::: We Are Mangos from Jeepneys AnnaLuisa on Vimeo.


new slang

Kyoto - Summer 2005
This morning
 Since I was 15 I have been the queen of the straight across bangs. So much so that when I go through my flickr account (which is just as old as my bangs) all pictures of me have straight across bangs. I remember when I was in Kyoto in 2005 visiting Lucy I was bored and decided that the brown hair had to go (I hadn't dyed it black since high school). My bangs hadn't been cut in weeks (I was routinely cutting my own hair at this point) and the side bang just happened. Women in Japan have the BEST side bangs I've ever seen in my life. So thick and beautiful! Anyway, I'm growing my bangs out and am a full year away from having the beautiful full front bang I want. But let's transitioning! ha!


Life During Wartime

I often feel like the lyrics for this song were written for me, right now. Every time I'm reminded why I resist and how fucked the world is.

Heard of a van that is loaded with weapons
Packed up and ready to go
Heard of some grave sites, out by the highway
A place where nobody knows
The sound of gunfire, off in the distance
I'm getting used to it now
Lived in a brownstone, I lived in the ghetto
I've lived all over this town
This ain't no party, this ain't no disco
This ain't no fooling around
No time for dancing, or lovey dovey
I ain't got time for that now
Transmit the message, to the receiver
Hope for an answer some day
I got three passports, couple of visas
Don't even know my real name
High on a hillside, trucks are loading
Everything's ready to roll, I,
I sleep in the daytime, I work in the night time
I might not ever get home
This ain't no party, this ain't no disco
This ain't no fooling around
This ain't no mud club, or C. B. G. B.
I ain't got time for that now
This ain't no party, this ain't no disco
This ain't no fooling around
No time for dancing, or lovey dovey
I ain't got time for that now
Heard about Houston? Heard about Detroit?
Heard about Pittsburgh, PA?
You ought to know not to stand by the window
Somebody see you up there
I got some groceries, some peanut butter
To last a couple of days
But I ain't got no speakers
Ain't got no headphones
Ain't got no records to play
Why stay in college? Why go to night school?
Gonna be different this time?
Can't write a letter, can't send a postcard
I can't write nothing at all
This ain't no party, this ain't no disco
This ain't no fooling around
I'd love you hold you, I'd like to kiss you
But I ain't got no time for that now
Trouble in transit, got through the roadblock
We blended in with the crowd
We got computers, we're tapping phone lines
I know that ain't allowed
We dress like students, we dress like housewives
Or in a suit and a tie
I changed my hairstyle so many times now
Don't know what I look like
You make me shiver, I feel so tender
We make a pretty good team
Don't get exhausted, I'll do some driving
You ought to get you some sleep
Burned all my notebooks, what good are notebooks?
They won't help me survive
My chest is aching, and it burns like a furnace
The burning keeps me alive


Lone Star

well, in these parts, mercury retrograde is in full swing. it's been nothing short of hell but now that i'm 10 days in, i'm feeling steadied and ready to enjoy the next 10 days or so. this year MR has really had an impact on me so i've decided ever so slightly to just embrace it and enjoy the magic. also to not give MR too much credit. then i can survive so much better. what is it about MR, though, that even if it wasn't my frame of reference it just mirrors all the fucked upedness going on in my life right now: broken car x 2 (i might park it?), iphone in bleach water (rice totally worked), strained communications with certain people, financial fuckery, increased anxiety, not getting to all the stuff i wanted, moving exhaustion, blah blah blah. i'm starting to channel this crazy energy into mind bending work and have been practicing detaching my ego/emotional self from situations, being more resilient, and having some self actualizations that i will wait until after mercury retrograde to bring to fruition.

i get really down and hard on myself when i have a bad day. i have such an expectation of myself to have good days all the time that by the time i realize i'm having a low or bad day i'm too depressed or exhausted from crying that i have a hard time pulling myself out. part of this is my re-realization that i'm incredibly co-dependent and am now committing wholeheartedly to learn to be more interdependent. this is probably the most unexpected life lesson i'm having this year. and it's hard and exhausting and full of emotion, but as i chip away at the block of codependency and learn to leave that shit behind i feel so much better.

i did a reading last night and one of the cards spoke about denying myself my own creative energy / pursuits and it's twisting my energy in negative/bad ways and impacting a certain situation specifically. creativity is really important to me and i've been so "busy" i've gotten away from the things that make me feel better and have forgotten to make time to *do* those things. i'm also getting better at surrounding myself with people i love and am excited to have a full dance card this weekend, a mix of in person stuff and skype calls. i need to remember i'm awesome and awesome people need to be alone sometimes and that i'm awesome alone so that i can be awesome with other people. XO


i made a hat

I've made like 4 hats recently. Three went to ppl I love and one is on my head and I love it. Can't wait for attahboygirl to release the pattern! It is worth every penny you will pay for it.

Today turned out OK. I like the look of my skin after I cry on it for hours. So yay!

think about the blood that's pumping keeping you alive


I spend most of my time split between manic diandra and depressed diandra. My life lesson right now is learning to just find one clime of emotion and stick to it. I have a feeling 2013-2015 is going to be a disaster of sorting myself out to get to this emotional stability I yearn for. Meaning, I don't get to be in that space just yet. Sure, rationally I could just give myself that emotionally stable space and take it. But I have very little idea how. So instead I vacillate between manic and depressed enjoying the up and crashing like fuck. Blah. I'm actively working on it asking for support from myself, my friends, counselling, and the universe. The process sucks today because I am in depressed diandra land and thanks to Mercury Retrograde I will probably be like this until mid-November.

The confluence of MR and depressed diandra is utterly the worst. In a real sense so many parts of my life are in disarray (finances, work, home, emotions, love, connection) and my resiliency gets utterly tested. It kind of takes *everything* for me to keep it together. I have a few strategies to keep afloat and this is me publicly committing to them!

1. give people their space. spend more time with myself. wait until the darkness passes and reconnect.
2. stay physically active. more bike rides. more yoga.
3. get out of my comfort zone a little bit.
4. don't spend any more money
5. actively do the things I have committed to do (move houses, GIRLS article, blog post for shameless, grant applications x 2, HSH stuff)
6. stop freaking out
7. don't make anymore commitments of any kind until it passes

Fall is here and winter is coming. Looking forward to growing through the next few weeks but fuck I cannot wait until it's over.


"We went looking for love but we might have to make it up"

I rolled into Prince George about twenty minutes ago from just over fifteen hours on the road from Victoria. I have made the long trek to Victoria countless times since I moved back to Prince George almost a year ago (!!) strictly because people I love are in Vic. Probably the most comfortable people I have in my life. I also have people I love in Prince George (which is why I moved back here). Also in Terrace. Also in Port Alberni. Also in Toronto. Also in Montreal. Also in the US. Also in Vancouver. And pretty much every other random reach of the province of BC. I'm a lucky lucky lucky girl. My people, my friends, my sisters, my brothers, my network are so incredibly invaluable and patient and supportive. For many many years I felt like I was a shitty friend. I didn't have good friends so I didn't know how to be a good friend. But then I started meeting kindred spirits and bosom buddies. Friends I just call my sisters because it's easier. Friends that I want to be invaluable, patient, and supportive for. They're my lifeblood and without them I wouldn't be me. So there's that.

Every time I go to Victoria I drive home and without a doubt bawl in the car eventually because I realize that I'm leaving the love in that city behind and travelling so far.  Just a month ago I bawled in the car on the drive and the following day sat in my car (and then my bed) and cried for two hours. Heaving, guttural crying. But today I didn't cry!! And I don't even feel as sad as I have in the past (so probably hopefully won't cry tomorrow). I know I'm coming back and I know there will be arms to hold me and things will be great.

There was something about driving up to PG and seeing the glow and rolling down the window and it didn't smell like ass. I'm happy to be here. So happy to be here.



A Post About How I (Don't) Value Myself

The beginning of September and the start of the turn of the seasons from Summer to Fall is my new year. All summer I look forward to the freshness that September will bring, and the 'new beginning' I give myself. New habits, new emotions, new outfits. A chance to re-do some things. A chance to try things differently. An opportunity to be a better me.

A year ago, this time, I enabled my manic behaviour and set on down a path of dismantling major parts of my life searching to make something, anything, feel better. I quit my job (and the full time workforce in general). I left my husband. I saw a naturopath and actively took hold of my physical self and *drastically* changed my diet.  I told one of my best friends I was in love with him. I moved 1200KM north back to Prince George.

I did all of these things because for my entire life I have carried around a handful of beliefs about myself that are complete and utter bullshit:
  1. If I was skinnier then everything would be better
  2. All of the problems I have are because I am fat & I will be fat forever and that's a problem
  3. I am lucky if anyone is willing to love me so I need to just take whoever I get and that's the rest of my life despite how shitty it gets
  4. That success and my perception of success was solely related to the things I did out in the world, rather than how I am with myself (particularly related to work)
  5. That I am an extrovert
  6. I can simply put a happy face on and work harder and everything will be better
  7. A shitty family together is better for my kid than a family not together
  8. That I can do everything and that I want to do everything
  9. That I have no inherent value as a person, unless it's explicitly related to the person I'm in a relationship with
  10. That it's my job to take care of everyone else first

I spent most of 2013 in a fog of depression, stress, and anxiety just *dealing* with the emotional fallout of everything above. I had a hard time taking care of my house, eating well, paying bills, let alone *wanting* to find employment. I cried many a day into my pillow, in the shower, in the car.  A few things saved me during this time: the kid, roller derby, my friends, my sisters, and HSH.

In July of this year, my kid went away for 5 weeks. It was the best kind of holiday I needed because I got lots of empty space to sit with my depression and my exhaustion and *really* think about what I was doing, *how* I was doing, and where I was going next (even just the next day). I slept most days until lunch time. I went out and socialized and drank too much. I cried and cried. I crushed on everyone, pursued a handful of people into dead ends, and actively decided not to take people home, or once there, not have sex with randoms (for me, casual sex was not the answer no matter what the boy-run-media-outlets tell me).

Since the beginning of this September, I have really stepped into working on my shit, inspired wholly by the changing of the seasons and knowing that it's just *time* I address this bullshit or it will carry along with me forever. I want to be the person I envisioned for myself in my 30s. For me this is an active process in reducing distractions (manic-behaviour) and taking time to slow down and be in my mind and in my body. Some of the distractions I've reduced include mainly roller derby and other extra activities/volunteering and facebook. 

Now, I see more of my friends. I am meeting new friends. I am working hard on a number of important things. I am travelling to see my family as much as possible. I am taking care of my body. I am battling my mental health demons and taking care of my mind. I am writing and having dance parties in the kitchen with the kid. I am liberating myself as much as possible from the traditional workforce. I am knitting and reading so many books and spending a lot of time alone. I am challenging myself in a new romantic process and allowing myself to be ok with falling in love again (if I want to), being vulnerable, and explicitly asking for what I want (and getting it). I am trusting magic and mysticism and the universe. I am asking for help.

So, what have I learned about myself or am I trying to re(un)LEARN? The biggest lesson is that I *do* have value and that I *do* have an impact on other people's lives. (Like, "I never ever thought he would like me if I pursued him because why the fuck would someone like me? I don't have that kind of impact!" which was a faulty belief because BOOM it's working so far!--this one also garnered a much deserved laugh from a dear dear friend). I have spent so much of my life looking up to amazing and inspiring women (like Kathleen Hannah!) and have just expected that their words and energy would be enough to carry me into the future and I would be able to achieve the things they've achieved and if I'm lucky I would just get to see and read their work! Never did I think that I had personal power of any kind to move in the world and make a similar impact (even amongst my smallest group of friends/family). I'm learning.......

Last week I had the honour of going for coffee with a (new) friend who I've adored forever and it's disappointing to know we didn't get to spend our whole lives up until this point together. I've been so honoured to connect with a few new people who are just fucking comfortable to be with (and further build other friendships into this space). Little did I know that she went home and wrote the nicest things about me! I never would have thought in a million years that I was an inspiration to her (let alone anyone), particularly because she's an inspiration to me, and the aforementioned not seeing myself as having value thing. I'm relieved to say I'm working on it. 


"So I Walked on Down the Line"....and other wise words in the voice of Stevie Nicks.

It's the full truth that this past year or two has been an emotional nightmare for me. I have sat in my car, or in my bed, or on the couch, or even just standing in the kitchen (and once at one of my sister's band's shows) utterly bawling my eyes out because I acknowledged this statement, "I'm having a really hard time". The number of behaviours/things/patterns/feelings I've addressed has been utterly immeasurable and I feel fantastic, most of the time. I feel lighter. I feel more in control of my emotions. And most importantly, I feel like I am getting "better". Battling such epic life stress while also struggling with mental health stuff (anxiety and depression), as well as physical sickness, is a lot.  Up until two months ago I really felt like I was on top of my stuff and then I began to epically crush on someone, which may or may not be going somewhere, who knows, and I've needed a lot of support from my friends/family to sort through all of the epic bullshit I carry around about myself and romance. They have been so wonderfully supportive I am without a doubt forever in their debt. After a specifically torrid situation (where my life lesson is that in fact I have spent my whole life defining my own value based on the person I'm standing next to--romantically--and the attention they give me), I received one of the best teachings I have in a while and wanted to share it.

What would Stevie Nicks say?
"Stevie Nicks would say: we are put on this earth to love, have our hearts burst with joy, have wild affairs with the wrong people, have passionate sex and conversation with the right people, we are meant to have our hearts smashed to pieces, cry our eyes out, beg for mercy, believe in forgiveness, make music, make art, make babies, write, explore, drink and sleep. I think Stevie Nicks would say, "if we put too much energy into being ok with being alone, if we put too much stock in being ok with ourselves, if we put too much value on space--then that is what we get and that is not what we are meant for." (hol+bama)

solid words to live by, i think.


I got so many things I could tell you, If my stubborn mouth doesn't let me down

In the past five days I've spent 24 hours in my car and put 1952KM on the little new ladycakes (1997 golf mkv). Car rides are the prime introspective time for me. It's where I get my thinking and processing done and I put so many KM on the road I'm unsure why I haven't figured out major world problems (like why the Patriarchy still exists). Today in the car I figured out a few things that I thought I'd share.

1. I miss roller derby and I'm going to consciously ensure I do not replace it with something "new" to do, just in case I want to go back to it, some day, some how.

2. Neko Case has a deeper grasp on my feelings than I do.

3. There is something magical about a neon pink sky behind a few hectares of hay fields.

4. Smoked salmon is delicious.

5. I thought my life was already awesome. But the past five days have really kicked it up a notch. Not sure what I did to deserve this.

6. I get to cross 3 things off my list over there!

7. I sang in public on Saturday for the first time in over a decade. It was anxiety fuelling and turned out ok! Pretty sure I'm happy I replaced making music with knitting and other things of much value. Good to know, though, I can rekindle and call upon it if I need to.


Intro to "Gender + Culture" Reading List

By some Christmas Miracle, my desperate need for summer employment was met with a quick and dirty offer to teach WMST 209: Intro to Gender & Culture (in Media/Technology) at the University of Northern BC starting next week and going until Mid August. WTF. So Awesome. I'm stoked. There's 25 ppl in the class and my only objectives are to 1. Make them Angry at Patriarchy and 2. Get them HOOKED on Twitter. There's so much to cover for a second year theoretical/content-based survey course. This is the full reading list I posted with my "extra" reading notes for me to present (which will OBV get added to) in my lectures. HELLARAD.

Feminist Theory re: Gender + Gender Performance
Feminist Media Theory by Wesley Rykalski on Prezi (http:// prezi.com/ovkrf6vpui4v/feminist- media-theory/)
VIDEO: Miss Representation (90 Minutes)

“Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Feminism But Were Afraid to Ask” in Bitch Media (http://bitchmagazine.org/article/everything-about-feminism)

There is No Opt-In; You cannot Opt-Out 

The Peeping Press: Understanding the Male Media Gaze by Jes
sica Valenti (http://www.thenation.com/blog/174874/peeping-press-understanding-male-media-gaze#axzz2XBOaBtvV )

The Oscars and the Bechdel Test on Feminist Frequencies: http://www.feministfrequency.com/2012/02/the-2012-oscars-and-the-bechdel-test/ 

Hey, Girl: Parody + Memes
Exploding Actress: http:// explodingactresses.tumblr.com/
Target Women Lady Friends
http://www.youtube.com/watch? v=eZZzPzknX6Y
Target Women Hair http:// www.youtube.com/watch? v=4oydMNkQofw
Target Women Cleaning http:// www.youtube.com/watch? v=aKSjZ_72ZtQ
Privilege Denying Male Meme
http://knowyourmeme.com/ memes/privilege-denying-dude
VIDEO: 30 ROCK S05E16 “TGS Hates Women”

“The Funny Business of Being Tina Fey: Constructing a (feminist) comedy icon” by Martha Lauzen in Feminist Media Studies Published Online November 16, 2012

“The Feministing Five: Feminist Ryan Gosling” on Feministinghttp://feministing.com/2012/01/14/the-feministing-five-danielle-henderson/ 

“Satirical Fake News and/as American Political Discourse” by Ian Reilly in The Journal of American Culture (2012) 35, 3: 258-275.

“Girls Get Digital: A Critical View of Cyberfeminism” by Vera Hinsey, On Our Terms: The Undergraduate Journal of the Athena Center for Leadership Studies at Barnard College, 1, 1 (2013): 25-32 Download Link: http://onourterms.cdrs.columbia.edu/index.php/oot/article/view/8/18

Male on Male Gaze
Don’t Know the Difference Between Dubstep and Brostep? in The Tyeehttp://thetyee.ca/ArtsAndCulture/2011/12/08/Skrillex/

A Brief History of Bro Culture: Beer and babes, a timeline of bros gone wild in Time Magazine http://www.time.com/time/photogallery/0,29307,1997965,00.html

The Year in High-Bro Culture in GQ Magazine http://www.gq.com/entertainment/humor/201112/high-bro-year-in-culture 

Of ponies and men My Little Pony: Friendship is magic and the Brony fandom by Venetia Laura Delano Robertson, International Journal of Cultural Studies, January 3, 2013

“I love you, Brom Bones”: Beta Male Comedies and American Culture by David Greven in Quarterly Review of Film and Video, 30, 405-420, 2013

Intersectionality Theory + Analysis // Privilege + Class/ RACE
“Intersectionality & Feminism” by Anna Carasthathis on KickAction.cahttp://www.kickaction.ca/en/node/1499 

Re-Thinking Intersectionality by Jennifer C Nash In Feminist Review (2008) 89, 1-15: http://www.palgrave-journals.com/fr/journal/v89/n1/full/fr20084a.html 

“Patric Brazeau Suggests Theresa Spence Gained Weight During Protest” The Huffington Post Canada June 31, 2013 http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2013/01/31/patrick-brazeau-theresa-spence_n_2589799.html

Jay-Z, Macklemore, A$AP Rocky Lead Gay-Rights Shift In Hip-Hop by Gil Kaufman on MTV.COM http://www.mtv.com/news/articles/1704448/gay-rights-hip-hop-jay-z-asap-rocky-macklemore.jhtml

“Hip Hop Feminism and Failure” by Michael P. Jeffries in Palimpsest: A Journal of Women, Gender, and the Black International 1, 2 (2012): 277-284

Fat! So?
VIDEO: Girls, S2 E5
“Why It’s OK To Be Fat” TedXMill River with Gold Poretskyhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=73SXX0w4eY8 

“Golda Poretsky’s TED Talk, ‘Why It’s Okay To Be Fat,’ Promotes Loving Yourself and Health at Every Size via the Huffington Posthttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/06/05/golda-poretskys-ted-talk-its-okay-to-be-fat_n_3389702.html READ THE COMMENTS!

“Sized Up” by Bitch Media http://bitchmagazine.org/article/sized-up-fat-feminist-queer-disability

“All the News That’s Fat to Print: The American ‘Obesity Epidemic’ and the Media” by Natalie Boero in Qualitative Sociology (2007) 30:41-60

“Literally the Best Thing Ever: Girls” by Tavi Gevinson in Rookie Mag 04/16/2012: http://rookiemag.com/2012/04/literally-the-best-thing-ever-girls/ 

“Lena Dunham Would Never Score with Patrick Wilson, But She Deserves Him” by Brian Moylan in Hollywood.com Feb 11, 2013http://www.hollywood.com/news/tv/55000799/lena-dunham-patrick-wilson-girls-romance?page=all 

“Lena Dunham analyzes three episodes of Girls” in LA Times June 6, 2013:http://www.latimes.com/entertainment/tv/showtracker/la-et-st-lena-dunham-girls-20130606,0,3395164.story 

Everybody is Gay!
“Reinventing Privilege: The New (Gay) Man in Contemporary Popular Media” in Critical Studies in Media Communication 20, 1 (2003): 67-91

“Lesbians who are married to men : identity, collective stories, and the Internet online community” by Margaret Cooper in LGBT indentity and online new media/ edited by Christopher Pullen and Margaret Cooper, NY: Routledge, 2010: 75-86

Lesbians who look like Justin Bieber http://lesbianswholooklikejustinbieber.tumblr.com/

Hannah Montana vs. Miley Cyrus: Girl Objectification and the Pre-Sexualization of the Adult Female
VIDEO: The Bling Ring

Pole-arized' discourse: An analysis of responses to Miley Cyrus's Teen Choice Awards pole dance
Feminism & Psychology May 1, 2013 23: 163-183

Beyond the `Sexualization of Culture' Thesis: An Intersectional Analysis of `Sixpacks',`Midriffs' and `Hot Lesbians' in Advertising by Rosalind Gill Sexualities April 2009 vol. 12 no. 2 137-160

Violence Against Women/The Other: Victimization and (Social) Media
Stop the Death of Women in Ads: http://www.stopfemaledeathinadvertising.com/

Exploding Actresses http://explodingactresses.tumblr.com/ 

Online Harassment TedXWomen with Feminist Frequencies: http://www.feministfrequency.com/2012/12/tedxwomen-talk-on-sexist-harassment-cyber-mobs/

Sexting as media production: Rethinking social media and sexuality New Media & Society June 1, 2013 15: 449-465

“Family relives Pitt Meadows rave nightmare” in The Globe and Mail, Feb 6, 2013: http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/british-columbia/family-relives-pitt-meadows-rave-nightmare/article8321736/

Parenthood: Heteronormative Families, Lazy Dads, and Super Moms
“The Post-Nuclear Family and the Depolicization of Unplanned Pregnancy in Knocked Up, Juno, and Waitress” by Kristen Hoerl and Casey Ryan Kelly in Communication and Critical/Cultural Studies 7, 4 (2010): 360-380

“Of Peerenting, Trophy Wives, and Effeminate Men: Modern Family’s Surpringly Conservative Remediation of the Family Sitcom Genre” by Christina M. LaVecchia in Harlot No. 6 (2011): http://harlotofthearts.com/index.php/harlot/article/view/85/65 

Damsel in Distress (Part 1): Tropes vs. Women http://www.feministfrequency.com/2013/03/damsel-in-distress-part-1/

Trekkie Feminist http://trekkiefeminist.tumblr.com/

Scott Pilgrim Vs Hegemony: Nostalgia, Remediation, and Heteronormativity by R. Lizardi in Journal of Graphic Novels and Comicshttp://www.personal.psu.edu/rel140/blogs/ryan_lizardi/Lizardi%20-%20Scott%20Pilgrim%20(JGNC).pdf


The Best Mix CD Ever

The other day I pulled out a CD holder wallet thingy that had a pile of CDs that lived with me between 2002-2005. The wallet is full of CDS made for me ages ago that I hadn't listened to in years. Recently in an interview, Tegan & Sara said something so perfectly apt: making a mix cd and giving it to someone is how you tell them how you feel. (What do kids these days do?). Anyway, a fine fellow I was disasterously in love with would trade CDs with me. We'd also drive around in his honda civic and harmonize to the sound of settling as the sun went down. Back then I wasn't confident to call ppl out when I KNEW they liked me (and I pined and pined) but listening to this mix CD over the weekend it totally dawned on me: he was totally into me, maybe? haha. Stupid young kids in their 20s. We should've been making out. Anyway, it's a fantastic mix and I love it. There's a theme to it that doesn't matter at this point, except that it was special. OH MAN.

Headlines - Neon Blonde

Alex Chilton - The Replacements

Palmcorder Yanja - The Mountain Goats

Parallel or Together? - Ted Leo & The Pharmacists

As Your Ghost Takes Flight - Saves the Day

Believing is Art - Spoon

I-E-A-I-A-I-O - System of a Down

Rooftops - Alkaline Trio

Te Como Vivo - The Causey Way

Hallelujah - Rufus Wainwright

Destroy Rock and Roll - Mylo

AM 180 - Granddaddy

You Can't Hurry Love - The Concretes

Divorce Song - Liz Phair

I Don't Know What I Can Save You From - Kings of Convenience

Aqualung - Jethro Tull

Naive Melody - Talking Heads

Dragostea Din Tea - O-zone

Rest My Head Against the Wall - Heatmiser

A Smile That Explodes - Joseph Arthur



THIS SHIT IS OFFENSIVE Shirts now available at the ohsweetie etsy shop!! This is the last 9 shirts we have !! TAKE A STAND AGAINST CULTURAL APPROPRIATION!!! Free shipping to Canada & US; dirt cheap shipping to Everywhere Else. XXOO



HEY! So, this is a formal announcement to say that I am not going to be giving this blog much, if any attention, for the next little bit (a few months? a year?) Honestly, I'll probably post once in a while, but I'm giving my all to HOME SWEET HOME (which you should *totally* read, btw) ====>

I love this blog, reading the archives is HILLARIOUS! Thank you so much to all of the readers who have read and read forever... There will always be good stuff on Twitter (@ohsweetie) Instagram (@ohsweetiedi) and on HSH (yerhomesweethome.com).



I'm home now, I'm coming around....

Things are awesome. Lifting out of my months-long depressive fog. It's kind of relieving. Because it's instantaneously reducing my stress levels. Looking forward to this week. DERBY! Hott Pants Party. Brunch with my sista-from-another-mista (and children chaos). Then lots of SEWING. OH YEAH.


A List

I've allowed myself to get distracted by something and I'm mad at myself. I've been in a funk. And starting to snap out of it. So, I'm making a list of all the shit I have to do to wrap it up and get going on being more awesome!

1. Get a Job
2. Buy a YMCA membership via assisted membership
3. Make it through RDAC Nationals with a smile on my face!
4. Stop eating shit that makes me feel like shit
5. Get Seth into daycare
6. Take over the world with Laura
7. Go to every single roller derby practice

Pretty sure that's it. I can do it! PS here's some pretty pictures!


coffee stain around your eye


I have been on the road since December 7th and arrived back in PG on January 11th or something. Feeling the transiency a little too much and beyond happy to be back, at home, in Prince George.  A lot has changed in my life in the past year. Turning 30 has definitely not been as stable as I had hoped it to be, which is unfortunate, because I spent much of my coping time, doing just that, coping with an emotional and existential life crisis that could've been avoided had I been open to the sea change in the first place. For the past few years I had definitely been living in this space where I had identified what an "adult" life was like, which included stability, community stature, and important employment (as well as a typical type of heteronormative romantic relationship) and struggled to maintain that normalcy that I felt typified "island life" and definitely the old school resource-based community I was living in. The things I needed to learn about myself, my life, and what I want I could not have learned in Prince George. But, I am so honoured and lucky to have the strength and ability to quit my life and throw everything into my little car and head north in the dead of winter to be welcomed with open arms not only by my friends, but also by myself.

Tomorrow Seth and I move into our new house and get to create a fabulous little home together. But still, a lot of my normal things remain, and navigating them is my new challenge (and keeping my new self in the process): work and having a job (what does that mean and do i even want it?), maintaining a marriage from a thousand kilometres away, getting over myself and working at being fit and killing it at roller derby, and rekindling and strengthening some of the best friendships i've ever had. I'm definitely looking forward to all of it. And looking forward to finally detaching myself from the fake identity i have created for myself and getting to my core self, which i know is there and i know what it looks like, but have spent my entire adult life being afraid of and avoiding.