yay for organ trail

my lovely friend caitlin is in organ trail and they won their round of semi-finals for shindig! they're now going to be in the finals at the railway club on december 5th!! if you're in the city you must go! check out their myspace yay!

we'll not go home again...come and see!

so, school's done for this semester! my presentation went really well although i spoke really fast. i've picked up some consulting work which means that in the evenings while stewart is out with his writing group friends rupert is just perched half on my shoulder and half on the chair i've sunken into. and we're going to have joy tea and eat biscotti and continue to listen to the decemberist's the crane wife (i LOVE it!!)

below are my assignments from yesterday. here's hoping they work!

Indigeneity and Young Mothers: Navigating Validitiy in a Rural Environment =Indigineity presentation (altered) + presentation references
From Rioters to Knitters and In-between: Chronicalling the Third Wave in Canada = expanded thesis proposal


tor + i on halloween

torie and i dressed up as super hipsters for the halloween party (okay, so the picture's a month old and i ganked it from her blog, my pen made me famous). my office is warm :)


carpenter ants in the dresser, flies in the screen, it will be too late by the time we learn what these cryptic symbols mean

well, it's pretty chilly outside--again! this will be a constant refrain from now until forever. im lying on our bed (that is still on the floor, my mum just ordered us a frame for an xmas) doing my power point, procrastinating every once in a while. i just did some "lets find tabs" research for stewart.

i had a crazy dream last night. i find that in the past i've been very honest on this blog and lately because i've been working through real issues i've been less likely to put them on here--which for me is odd that i haven't picked that out 'till now. i know that a number of months back i was having really issues with being open and let me tell you that i'm still having issues with being open. but i feel i need to share this dream because its huge in my healing process (and it will start with explanation).

before i moved to prince george with stewart i went to see one of my spiritual teachers who gave me a crystal ball reading (hey, skeptics, hold your horses) and a tarot reading. i enjoy and look forward to readings because they allow me to work through problems in new ways (and are cheaper than a therapist)--i feel i really connect with this! so, in one of the readings my teacher said, "you have a lot of negative energy carrying with you from a past relationship--it has made you negative, not like yourself, and if you don't cast away this negativity and anger you will not be able to move forward in your relationship with stewart". she also went on to tell me a variety of incredible things that might happen in the future and some of them are beginning to come true (!!), but i'm not really holding out for those things to happen, i just find it interesting that most of the things she discusses usually fall into place.

so, ive been really trying to figure out this "negative & angry" character. who from my past was it, and then after living with stewart for a while i began to see how much my relationship a few years ago has really negatively affected me. and i'm a monster! i've been doing a lot of healing, a lot of talking, and a lot of working through these things i see as holding me back in my anger. i've been carrying around stones, pulling affirmations almost daily and doing cards on most nights asking myself, "how can i heal through my dreams?"

the dream last night signifies an intense healing-session for me and its spurred by two things. the other day i figured out what stewart and i needed (i must preface this by saying that things between us have been ridiculously fabulous lately and the things that mostly bring us down are 1. being poor, and 2. being stressed: i don't think we're that good with dealing with these things--but we're getting there), or what i want for me and stewart: i want an open flow of love between us at all times. in public, at home, when we're away from eachother. i don't care what form it is in, but when we're open to each other all the time (which is difficult because i have so much baggage) it's really nice.

okay, the dream: in the dream i was dating my ex from a few years back and it was in all these places, a mix of cities and farms, slides with cheese, a building with many different people, none of which i knew but i recognized i had a lot to learn from these people. i'm not very good with remembering all of the details, usually only strange things + "the lesson". i was out somewhere and hadn't returned home and had no conception of what time it was. when i returned back to our house i hadn't known that i was so late, but my ex showed up in a toga and was somewhat glowing, happy (jesus like?--strange) and i remember him being angry/worried but happy that i was back with him, and i said that i couldnt do this anymore, that i loved him, but it just wasn't working and we both have to go our separate ways. and then immediately he vanished. didn't walk away. just vanished. vaporized.

and then i woke up 'cause rupert was scratching something and meowing. (he's been stressed lately) so, what do i think this means? i think it means that i've finally let it go. i can only go forward from now on. i need to let my anger go. and stand separate from that anger and depression. phew.

okay, off to finish my presentation. we just had camino organic hot chocolate and stewarts bustling around (and bugging me for listening to anthony + the johnsons), i wonder what he's playing with (and if i can get a hug!)


and it matters to me to see you smiling, why don't we blow all of your cares away

well, i've changed the look of ye old blog, and its probably about time, it's been this way for a while. i've downloaded bonnie prince billy, saw will oldham in matewan. i've roasted some yams, and am going to go rent john wayne's true grit. went grocery shopping. would you believe me if i told you i worked on my expanded thesis proposal for quite sometime today and am *almost* done. i have to finish today, because tomorrow i have to work on my paper presentation for my class. both of the documents will be posted on here when finished, i promise. its really cold here. something like -19degrees celsius, and, oh, only about 27 with windchill. the moment the sun hits the horizon, around 4pm, it drops so much! this winter is the coldest i've experienced in a while, but its funny because after minus 5 it feels the same, always. and, as winter is for lovers, i'm super in love right now. it's nice!


as thirty dialogues bleed into one...

my neck hurts from craning it towards the glow of the laptop monitor. many changes in the works! we've met some great friends, i'm getting great marks! i'm meeting great people with projects they want to include me in, i'm sick, and i'm tired, but i'm feeling energetic and great!! erin and jeremy are absolutely fantastic and even though erin just moved to vancouver until next summer-ish we have plans to open a store and an artschool and to write together. last night we went to jeremy's and made food (yay for the lower east side.yum) and listened to experimental jazz and played the scribble game and then engineered our dream festival. so great. we just watched sketches of frank gehry. i really liked looking at all of the buildings and his artistic process but stewarts sick and i'm sick and we just fell asleep towards the end. then i went to get us sick-person drugs. but the pot on the stove is full of alder and the ground isn't white but the itchy wool socks on my legs are encouraging me to yearn for that time when your shoes are soaked from snow (just like before i went to vancouver). vancouver was great. we went to the gallery (vag!), had sushi, went to the foundation, went to art openings at both dadabase and the petri dish, we watched a movie about union organizers in the depression, i went to daiso and bought a bunch of japanese food, went to soma, ate breakfast in the airport, got to talk about japan and pseudo-shopped on main. oh and i bought a button! haha. and a book about robots for stewart.

i feel like i never talk about stewart and i'm always talking about stewart but that i'm always wanting to talk about how much i love this man. i can't wait until we get married (supposedly we first have to get engaged) and we can have lots of yummy food and dancing to genesis and the cure and cursive! yay! and all of the beautiful people i know from all of our disparate locations will be together all at once. we're really building a fabulous community here, and i'm finding incredible women (*all young!!**) to play the transformation game with, and jeremy to idea swap with, and stewart to just hold and be here for. because this year will be my year!!

oh, and i got into my master's!