i finally got a solid ten to eleven hours of sleep. last night a friend came over and we ate copious amounts of junk food (well, just a bit) and crafted. i started to work on my costume. presently ive got the bodice done and am just doing the skirt. hey, i have a crafting blog. i should really be talking about this there. okay, anyway, im excited for the halloween party tonight. friend brought over tons of accessories and will be going as my husband. we're going to be mr. max f. ginsberg and mrs. maggie ginsberg. too fun! pictures tomorrow. i promise. off to sew! thanks for making me feel better. xoxo.
im up late tonight doing research on women and violence and coping strategies, etcetera, to get prepared for my interview tomorrow. im really nervous that i will not get it. to the point of being super stressed out and almost being on the verge of tears whenever i talk about not getting the job. i will definitely have to create some tear-enducing situations later this evening so i can bawl my eyes out and get it out of the way. i just ate a bowl of "insta-udon" that had japanese on the outside of the package, and korean on the inside. very interesting indeed. but i added some fresh mushrooms and it didnt taste too bad. i started writing. we've pulled the typewriter out so i can write some more. ive been crafting a lot and just stressing about the job to the point of being non-functioning. i mean, i can only knit so much to deal with the stress (especially since ive already used up all my available wool). and i kinda started biting my nails again. so i had to go paint them to stop the biting! okay, and a little bit of boy talk. its not a gush sesh, but just want to say that im not feeling really supported in regards to my liking this guy. i mean, on one side im being dissuaded of telling him i like him (i only met him a week ago), and that he doesnt like me (he had a date the other night), and my own personal dissuasion of "why would anyone like me? im not attractive at all. im poor. a bad conversationalist. and just ugly." i hate feeling like this. bleck.
yesterday went hiking with my dad. it poured all day and stopped the moment we hopped out of the car for the two hour hike. i felt so alive afterwards. came home and made cds for a party on saturday (my number one passion i think, well, aside from sewing, i did some of that too). its the first installment of the lookalikes. the kids and i should really get that off the ground. tanoshimi!
1. track 01 - from a punjabi mix pat made me years ago.
2. somebody told me - the killers
3. helicopter - bloc party
4. deceptacon - le tigre
5. track 3 - kelis (from tasty)
6. change clothes - dj danger mouse (the grey album)
7. little tragedies - hawksley workman
8. 5/4 - Gorillaz
9. hungry like the wolf - duran duran
10. crabbuckit - k-os
11. this charming man - the smiths
12. dead disco - metric
13. rocorotion - orange range
14. pump it up - missy elliott feat. nelly
15. bowtie - outkast feat. sleepy brown & jazze pha
16. rebellion (lies) - the arcade fire
17. stop acting like you know more about the internet cafe than i do - peach cake
18. track 02 - from a mix cd randall made me
19. one thing leads to another - the fixx
20. 12:51 - the strokes
21. shake your dix - peaches
22. i am my father's son - wolf parade
the face of a narcissist. normally i wouldnt post a picture of me like this. the pouchy cheeks. the zits. the fatigue. smudged makeup. moustache. but, oddly, im liking this side of myself more and more. i call it my "cooked all day and promised to make someone a hallowe'en costume tomorrow after i work (coffee shop), and then come home and edit my dad's essay for his program (provincial instructor's diploma), and catch up on reading (george stephanopolous's political memoir), maybe begin my hallowe'en costume (1950s housewife dress), and hopefully, hopefully get some action from the boy im crushing on" face. cranberry says that boys are just coming to me left right and centre. if i can follow through with this one (since neither of us are going anywhere fast, as in moving to another town, city, or country), then maybe, just maybe, she'll be right. and then i'll give her a gold star.
walking north, looking west, on kalum street. right by monarch cable, i turned to my mum and said, "yay! a picture of the ugliest street in terrace". we went and bought groceries (read: apricot scrub and tofu).
my mum's kitchen. i made curried potato salad. and then my mum made rice pudding with caramel sauce. welcome home!
so, hot date got the stomach flu. and i havent seen him at all. and im so boy crazy. all i do is consume my thoughts with the fact that i didnt get to see him at all. totemo samishi desu ne.
leaving this city is more difficult than i thought it would be. i went to a friends transformation party tonight and it was great to catch up with the people i used to go to school with, work with, and party with. kiss cheeks. hug. take pictures. and talk about how all i really want to do is give head like a lesbian. it was really nice to be surrounded by people who think that i have become a different person. i was told that its not like im completely different, its just that the diandra "that we love" (awe, shucks!) is all that we see now. that im not hiding anything back anymore. im comfortable in my own skin. it was really nice to have people pick up on it. especially when i think of myself in that way.
i have been unable to get any of my stuff as of yet, and its a little discouraging. in the morning i will go get a bunch of cds, and fun stuff to take back to terrace......look at me go on and on about useless shit. what i really want to say is this. im realizing more and more how much i am actually on an emotional rollercoaster. this sucks, and i hate that i cant figure my shit out, and actually write good concrete essays and get it on paper. im not digging deep enough. i feel like im not able to do what i want (yes, so selfish i am) and im getting more and more annoyed of people who are asking things of me. so, im, um, kinda going to give this baby a hiatus. think of it as the end of "season one" and in about one month or so ill be debuting with "season two". im trying to get a little away from the internet and sew a bit, find a partner with a beard and a belly, and just cuddle with my mom. is that too much to ask?
p.s. for all of you in vancouver that i have seen and spent countless hours with. countless mugs of tea. jokes about the whalley ring rash (not the face!). tips on crafting. letting me share your beds, flats, food, and showers (and singing to sarah harmer in bed!!). buying me scones. geisha martinis. and loving each other and always, ALWAYS, coming out, thank you!
oh my, ten minutes later, updated to add: he called! we're meeting tomorrow! my shitty fucking day just got a million times better! iiiiiiii!! xoxo. (the boy below is not aforementioned crush boy).
doubling on a motorcycle. dreaming about moving to montreal next year. sewing myself a pair of green velvet underwear. altering my hoodie and adding images of both pierre trudeau and garlic. dancing at both mod night and the boom boom room. watching the daisy duke booty shaking contest. really thinking a boy is cute, awesome hair, and the worst shoes ive ever seen. being boy crazy and staying up late talking about being said boy crazy. coming back to vancouver. the longest fucking ferry ride in the world (you'd think id be used to it by now). a sore jaw from singing. laughing. being jovial.
so, its really late. just got back from watching april snow. actually, that yon sama is kinda cute! (dont throw eggs at me puhlease!)
i was asked out today. it was nice. its the first time in a while that someone likes me. and that i like him back. why does it always happen that i have potential with someone after ive decided to leave. dammit.
saying goodbye to this city is difficult. there are people with beards that i just want to rub my face in. and kimchi. and people who want to eat kimchi with me and do stupid shit. but, at the same time its still really depressing and gross. everytime i see brie my day just lightens up. yesterday we had breakfast together. she's got me wanting to apply for my master's at concordia. im all over the map. emotional rollercoaster. tonight we're going to see april snow with yon sama. oh yeah. xoxo.
this city is damp and cold. everything i own has just absorbed all of the moisture from the rooms in this house. i ate the first of my turkey dinners today. with the homemade cranberry sauce (with orange in it! yum!). and just, fuck, im so full. im sitting here looking at my belly and its just...wonderful. last night these two fabulous women i know had a house warming party, potluck style. we cooked up a storm. and drank even more. ki and i ended up going to this house party at our friend's house. just to, you know, be more drunk, maybe find more alcohol (which we didnt, but, outside the biltmore at 2:30am we were encouraged to buy jamaican patties out of the back of a jimmy. which we didnt). turned out, when we showed up at this house party wolf parade was playing. they were in town playing with arcade fire last night, and some how ended up at our friend's place and played for about an hour. after i was walking around and trying to catch the members of wolf parade for playing. at one point i was standing on the porch, its about three in the morning and one guy walks out, i say thank you, and he says, while hugging me, "hey, thanks for coming, when you're next in montreal, lets get together." too funny. my favourite part was all the hipsters dancing to nelly, snoop dog...after. and getting in this argument with this hipster girl that not everyone knows this one snoop dog song. it was a riot.
were listening to cut!copy trying to get our tired lazy bodies ready for a night of dancing our faces off. super long break between my classes today and i ended up going to the vag(ina). and there was really nothing happening, they're in between exhibits right now. i wasnt about to spend ten dollars on two closed floors. i sat in the gallery cafe though. and ate pumpkin pie. and drank two mugs of coffee. wrote eight pages in my journal. shocked myself really. i was wearing tinted earrings and this girl who worked in the cafe commented on them. and a girl at work. their earrings rock. you should really buy a pair. plug. plug. plug. my tattoo, who will now be known as dango-chan, is really scabby and itchy and a pain in the ass. but i love her. and her scabbiness. and no, im not picking at it. fuck, im tired. (ive deleted the boy talk that was going to appear here. yes, you're welcome.) xoxo.
updated to add, at oh, i dont know, 2:30am: it was so worth the wait to see cut!copy. they were really nice and their accents were incredible. they even gave us a free promotional cd from one of their dj sets. mr. little italy (b/c of his beautiful little italy sweatshirt) is my new celebrity crush the one on the left.
so, quit the dodgier than thou english school today. spent my afternoon flirting with a boy, and getting paid for "making conversation". im garnering a crush on one of the guys i work with. he said my "five minutes to get out of the door pulled back bangs hair style" was fabulous and was singing "pretty woman", but replacing the "woman" part with "diandra". im so silly. pulling shit from everywhere. and again, everytime i see a japanese boy, my heart breaks. ...
right now im reading "sarah" by jt leroy. the book is about this kid who likes to dress up like a lizard and sell his beautiful womanly body in trucker's lots. im about half way through, and all it makes me think is, "i want a boyfriend". its raining in the city. bleck.