"this is fact not fiction, for the first time in years"

so, hot date got the stomach flu. and i havent seen him at all. and im so boy crazy. all i do is consume my thoughts with the fact that i didnt get to see him at all. totemo samishi desu ne.

leaving this city is more difficult than i thought it would be. i went to a friends transformation party tonight and it was great to catch up with the people i used to go to school with, work with, and party with. kiss cheeks. hug. take pictures. and talk about how all i really want to do is give head like a lesbian. it was really nice to be surrounded by people who think that i have become a different person. i was told that its not like im completely different, its just that the diandra "that we love" (awe, shucks!) is all that we see now. that im not hiding anything back anymore. im comfortable in my own skin. it was really nice to have people pick up on it. especially when i think of myself in that way.

i have been unable to get any of my stuff as of yet, and its a little discouraging. in the morning i will go get a bunch of cds, and fun stuff to take back to terrace......look at me go on and on about useless shit. what i really want to say is this. im realizing more and more how much i am actually on an emotional rollercoaster. this sucks, and i hate that i cant figure my shit out, and actually write good concrete essays and get it on paper. im not digging deep enough. i feel like im not able to do what i want (yes, so selfish i am) and im getting more and more annoyed of people who are asking things of me. so, im, um, kinda going to give this baby a hiatus. think of it as the end of "season one" and in about one month or so ill be debuting with "season two". im trying to get a little away from the internet and sew a bit, find a partner with a beard and a belly, and just cuddle with my mom. is that too much to ask?

p.s. for all of you in vancouver that i have seen and spent countless hours with. countless mugs of tea. jokes about the whalley ring rash (not the face!). tips on crafting. letting me share your beds, flats, food, and showers (and singing to sarah harmer in bed!!). buying me scones. geisha martinis. and loving each other and always, ALWAYS, coming out, thank you!

oh my, ten minutes later, updated to add: he called! we're meeting tomorrow! my shitty fucking day just got a million times better! iiiiiiii!! xoxo. (the boy below is not aforementioned crush boy).