think about the blood that's pumping keeping you alive


I spend most of my time split between manic diandra and depressed diandra. My life lesson right now is learning to just find one clime of emotion and stick to it. I have a feeling 2013-2015 is going to be a disaster of sorting myself out to get to this emotional stability I yearn for. Meaning, I don't get to be in that space just yet. Sure, rationally I could just give myself that emotionally stable space and take it. But I have very little idea how. So instead I vacillate between manic and depressed enjoying the up and crashing like fuck. Blah. I'm actively working on it asking for support from myself, my friends, counselling, and the universe. The process sucks today because I am in depressed diandra land and thanks to Mercury Retrograde I will probably be like this until mid-November.

The confluence of MR and depressed diandra is utterly the worst. In a real sense so many parts of my life are in disarray (finances, work, home, emotions, love, connection) and my resiliency gets utterly tested. It kind of takes *everything* for me to keep it together. I have a few strategies to keep afloat and this is me publicly committing to them!

1. give people their space. spend more time with myself. wait until the darkness passes and reconnect.
2. stay physically active. more bike rides. more yoga.
3. get out of my comfort zone a little bit.
4. don't spend any more money
5. actively do the things I have committed to do (move houses, GIRLS article, blog post for shameless, grant applications x 2, HSH stuff)
6. stop freaking out
7. don't make anymore commitments of any kind until it passes

Fall is here and winter is coming. Looking forward to growing through the next few weeks but fuck I cannot wait until it's over.

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