"We went looking for love but we might have to make it up"

I rolled into Prince George about twenty minutes ago from just over fifteen hours on the road from Victoria. I have made the long trek to Victoria countless times since I moved back to Prince George almost a year ago (!!) strictly because people I love are in Vic. Probably the most comfortable people I have in my life. I also have people I love in Prince George (which is why I moved back here). Also in Terrace. Also in Port Alberni. Also in Toronto. Also in Montreal. Also in the US. Also in Vancouver. And pretty much every other random reach of the province of BC. I'm a lucky lucky lucky girl. My people, my friends, my sisters, my brothers, my network are so incredibly invaluable and patient and supportive. For many many years I felt like I was a shitty friend. I didn't have good friends so I didn't know how to be a good friend. But then I started meeting kindred spirits and bosom buddies. Friends I just call my sisters because it's easier. Friends that I want to be invaluable, patient, and supportive for. They're my lifeblood and without them I wouldn't be me. So there's that.

Every time I go to Victoria I drive home and without a doubt bawl in the car eventually because I realize that I'm leaving the love in that city behind and travelling so far.  Just a month ago I bawled in the car on the drive and the following day sat in my car (and then my bed) and cried for two hours. Heaving, guttural crying. But today I didn't cry!! And I don't even feel as sad as I have in the past (so probably hopefully won't cry tomorrow). I know I'm coming back and I know there will be arms to hold me and things will be great.

There was something about driving up to PG and seeing the glow and rolling down the window and it didn't smell like ass. I'm happy to be here. So happy to be here.


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