moving on an other euphemisms.

i try really hard not to put categories of hierarchy on my friendships. this often leads to me calling everyone my bestfriend, and then getting called on having too many "bestfriends". when really, i just want to be able to portray that feeling of my lovelies all being so close to me that they are my "bestfriends". that aside, i never encountered that the hardest part of being in japan would be that not-so-good, more often terrible and huge barrier-jumping situations would present themselves to my friends that arent here and i would feel tied because i cant cuddle or make tension tamer tea, or run out to the video store to rent dirty dancing because we would all need a distraction. i dont want to be too blunt about this, but a dearest and nearest friend of mine lost a parent on monday and i just stayed awake most of the night willing myself to focus all of my love, energy, and coping strategies to that person. (i had only met that parent once, he gave me a ride home after a concert, but my friend had never said a single horrible thing about him, never had an instance to complain about him, and because of that i garnered huge respect for him and for her.) i dont want to sound like im complaining because i cant be there to pretend that i am "saving the day". that is not my intention at all. i just want to be able to take care of my friends as much as possible, and it is extremely difficult from such a distance. it also puts me in a humbler position and i feel that i have nothing to complain about, ever. so, love, i send you all of my love and hugs and warmth in your bed.