i've been infected

I just finished reading the semi-sappy and light hearted memoir, Barnheart: The Incurable Longing for a Farm of One's Own by Jenna Woginrich. After a long spell of not reading (coming off of a roller derby hangover), it was nice to read this over a week and to also have such an unseemingly book kind of rock my world.

In her opening she describes the insufferable feeling of barnheart:


Barnheart is that sudden overcast feeling that hits you while at work or in the middle of the grocery store checkout line. It's unequivocally knowing you want to be a farmer -- and for whatever personal circumstances -- can't be one just yet


The opening had me bawling my face out because I honestly suffer from this every. single. day. And the book also is helping me to understand what commitment becoming a farmer, having a farm, and living and working off the land is actually like. And that there's no waiting to have a farm of one's own. It's a way of life, a life commitment, and something you just do. I akin it to roller derby in my life, and am looking at farming on my own farm within the next three years. AH! Which means, 2012 is my last year for trips and glitz, and saving, seeding, growing, and selling are close by in my future. HURRAH!

sign me up, i volunteer, votes are in for lifeguard of the year

today was a pretty great day. overall this evening has been shrouded in stress. namely work: i find work very stressful. i find that i am not good at "dealing" with the stress at work. it's not like anything at work is wrong or unacceptable or unnatural or awful. it's strange because the work is exactly like i always thought it would be: fast, busy, desperately difficult, and intense--which isn't a problem. a lot of workplaces are like this but i don't feel like i have the stamina to keep up with it. i don't feel made to be an academic. i just want to curl into a store that i own. that would be the best.

today was great because instead of getting up at 8am to see stewart's childhood friend (their bus was late and it would've been too rushed) we got to sleep until 12:30pm, turn the cbc radio 1 on and listen to stuart mclean, get lazily dressed and go for a drive to blackburn for freecycle-style xmas lights. while driving we were all snuggled into our jackets listening to the newer hotchip and drinking coffees (so good!). stewart andi got to talking about staying in prince george, if we bought a house, where we'd buy it (blackburn--duh!), etc. then we went to denny's for breakfast (mediocre, but not bad! strange!), shopping at hmv and zellers (the mall has driven me crazy). we rented howl's moving castle. we were trying to rent these two other movies: the wizard and drop dead gorgeous. neither of which blockbuster had. i really find blockbuster to be overwhelmin. blah!

stewart's dying his hair blonde right now, and tomorrow it'll go poppy red. too cute. i feel so overweighted by work. i'm going to work a *really* long day tomorrow. up at 6am. bleck. so i'm going to bed here in a little bit. i'm trying to read the great gatsby. supposedly it's one of the best american novels of all time. our bed should be here this week. yay! this is turning into a to do list. i need to destress from work.