6.15.2006

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the thing about me, which i will easily allow to be because i am a virgo, is that i overextend myself for other people, because im nice, and because i inherently feel that i am really good at those things that i do, so, why should i hold those skills and abilities in, and not spread the wealth? so, i always spread the wealth, and end up spreading myself time, thinly.

ive been helping two other friends the last two nights open a new store (modern furnishings!), just volunteering two of my evenings about 11 hours in total, putting together their inventory system. i offered to put my art piece in the store (they have a blank wall), and they were either a)all for the idea and changed their minds, or b)weren't really for it, tired, and thankful for my help, thus not really willing to say "no". so, i got my hopes up, they didnt pick it up this morning, and then when i went in at lunch they said they were just going to wait for this art that's coming in a few days. ouch. so, its mixed. im upset for a number of reasons, 1)i worked really hard for them, and i made another nice gesture, and i feel rejected, and not needed, or only needed on their terms which means that i didnt set my boundaries for myself and i had high expectations (like i always do) and they were disappointed. 2)because im so tired from working late for them the last two nights that my emotions are compromised, and i cant think clearly or logically. so, my plan of action is thus.
1)go home and hang my piece back on my wall. congratulate myself for actually completing such an emotional piece. and take a nap.
2)remember that their "rejecting" of me and my piece has absolutely nothing to do with me. that they weren't actually rejecting me, and that i'm taking on the feeling of being rejected and unwanted, because i really was seeking validation through having my piece hanging in their store.
3)let. it. go. (which im getting better at).

on a gooooooooooood side. i spent last night with my man. and it was glorious. we hadnt shared a bed in 2 days. nor really spent time with eachother and it was really nice just to be at that stage where i missed his company and attention, and missed giving him attention. this morning, at eight am, leaving my house to go to work, it was really difficult leaving him all curled up in my blankets. .

i start housesitting tonight for some friends. they have many pets, three dogs, one with dietary concerns. im excited to walk the dogs and read my jpod! xoxo.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Diandra,

Do you have a picture of this wonderous art piece? I would like to see it!

Love (& hugs),
Eden

Anonymous said...

awe... sorry your feelings got hurt and it does kinda suck that they weren't sensitive to it! Or maybe they had already ordered something that cost them money? Or thought you had better plans for your own art and were just being nice? I'd a little hurt too :(