9.14.2007

sometimes i'm gonna lose my mind...

well, the slog of shitty things happening over the last few weeks is starting to just manifest itself into day to day activity. which may be nice, but i'm super anxious. every night for the last week i've had dreams where i'm just overwhelmed with anxiety. a few of them were me not being able to pay for my wedding and being there on my wedding day all stressed out. and really, i don't know how i'm going to pay for the wedding. somehow i guess. money ALWAYS works out. and then i'm super stressed out about being asked to leave my place and thus finding somewhere to live. i've called a few apartments but they're just in the middle of nowhere or really in the hood. one took my name down and will call (?), but i guess i just have to start calling on october 2nd. why is it so hard to find somewhere to live in prince george? this is ridiculous! i went to a counsellor yesterday which was good. we did an intake and if the practicum student wasn't in the room i probably would have bawled my eyes out. but i felt akward because there's this person in the room "observing" but you're unable to form any sort of connection with them. the "main counsellor" lady said a few times, "i'm so impressed with your ability to just deal with what's happening in your life and keep going in such a positive manner". and it's cheezy, but why can't i just accept that i'm working really hard and that balancing all of this work (5 jobs now!!) and yet still surviving through a life where important people just fucking fail you. but, not ALL of the important people. hey, stewart just showed up! i'm going for lunch!!

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