"so this is christmas......"

this morning i meandered into my email account, hoping for some mention of meeting up or "where are you?"s from boy #3
(since then we've chatted and we're meting up in 2 hours. i must jump in the shower pronto!!) but instead i received a reply from one of my mentor's, my previous prof, my complete model for the academic/historian i want to be. she thanked me for my evocative words and informed me that she has parkinsons and is now in a wheel chair. and my heart hit the floor. she is embracing help and assistance and remaining strong and warm, welcoming and wonderful. im doubly thankful that i am in the lower mainland for christmas. that i will get to see her when i return from the island. share stories, take pictures. give her as much love as i possibly can. my heart drops because the last time we were together, in person, our dearest friend was dying of ovarian cancer. i just want to curl up and be solaced and find an internal peace. it feels like that its a time full of possibility for me here. that i never left. im learning i have to focus inwards. try to remove those excess distractions. and yet im welcoming more. merry christmas lovelies!