"there is a road that meets the road that goes to my house"

ive had a realization! i have problems with intimacy! i mean, this is so exciting. i feel like ive pinpointed my main reason for boy craziness and not being so willing to pursue any single one of these boys in a way that makes me scream "long term relationship". i mean, even boy #1, right now i dont really feel like creating a relationship with him. i have also come to the understanding that my experience with boy #1 has led me to have issues with intimacy. i was so into him and i so go too into it too fast and thought it was too good to be true. and you know what? it was! i put my fucking heart out there on the line. gave this undeserving kid a terrible amount of attention that he didnt even appreciate and had my heart stomped all over. and i cant even let him in anymore. and you know what? im having problems letting other people in too! im losing my ability to run towards people with my heart on my sleeve. and that was the part i loved the most about myself. that part! the part that just blindly loved everyone (within reason!) she's gone. and im exhausted. im not sleeping enough at night. and tonight im going to spend some time with boy #2 who works until 11pm. and i have to work in the morning. but i havent seen him since sunday, well, i dropped an avacado off for him at work yesterday. was that strange? i think i creeped him out. but then, later, he said it was okay. fuck, why has this blog turned into a blog where all i do is talk about boys. i hope that the sweet sex i will be having with boy #3 will satiate me whilst in vancouver. and then i can come back and attack boys #1 and #2 in a healthy manner. not just driven by this body that hasnt had an orgasm with somebody since september 2004. where's my prize? xoxo.