stay, and monkey with me...

stewart and i spent the evening together: we ate potstickers with peanut sauce, and then had a later dinner of pasta *yum* and organic soy strawberry icecream, and we watched this HORRIBLE movie (needless to say that the picture cryer enjoyed it) called shadows in the sun with the ridiculous joshua jackson, claire forlani (with an italian accent), and harvey keitel. there were parts that sincerely made me feel like vomitting and i do not blame all of the carbohydrates!!

the other day my supervisor for school sent me a call for applications for this exhange trip to Japan for three weeks in July. in her email, attached, she said something sarcastic along the lines of, "it's not like you have too much on your plate"... and it's like every time i feel like things are going to get less busy, they get busier. i know that the ONE TIME i saw a counsellor, who is now a co-worker (weird!), we talked about how i keep busy as an excuse to deny the act of taking care of myself. in that by being busy with all this stuff i get to just run away from what's really going on for me, and i kinda thought, well, "duh!" and its not like i'm keeping myself busy with benign crap: i'm busy with important stuff. and i honestly do not feel like i need to save the world by doing all this stuff (phew!), i'm pretty much doing all of it because i want to and setting up boundaries where i can. so, two lists!

things i have taken "on" in the last month:
1. i was asked to be on the "leadership" committee for the MCF youth advisory council. i basically said to the organizer on the phone that i wanted to do everything, but could only do ONE, so he could pick.
2. a new job (i think this still might be a secret).
3. moving my radio show to wednesdays for 2 hours and being a volunteer office coordinator for the radio station on campus on wednesdays
4. a new class! english! and i sillily said i'd do my presentation today (it's done at this moment and my perfectionist is screaming, "it went horrible", but i'll just have to wait and see what the mark says), am already behind in the readings, and have another assignment due next week already.
5. moving. we're moving. june 1st. to this new wonderful house, but it has had a variety of pressures.
6. just today i said i'd help work on a chap book, which i'm excited about! woot!
7. this japan thing....who knows if i'll even get it (i mean, being a team leader for "youth canada" or something or other at an international gathering in tokyo..what? impossible! i'll know by the end of next week-ish though. hmmmmmm.)
8. working with some other cohorts at school to secure $40,000 for a future of feminisms conference next year.
9. going to terrace for the weekend (nice, but SO draining)
10. going to vancouver for a week! can i just say, MSTRKRFT!! METRIC!!! HOT HOT HEAT!!! ARCADE FIRE!!! ORGAN TRAIL!!! THE LINES WE DREW!! gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
(that list was not an even 10 on purpose!!)

things i have said "no" to, or set appropriate boundaries for this month
1. i did not stress out when someone asked to borrow money and i couldn't lend it. previously i would have felt bad and thought i let them down. but not this time.
2. not feeling bad about literally mooching lodging off of people for a whole week when in vancouver.
3. i said no to being a CASHS rep on the graduate student society's board.
4. i said no to joining/taking a "leadership" role in the student initiated "women's studies club".
5. i said no to getting stressed about the wedding. there are things that could stress me out, like, oh, um, having NO money to do it, all of these people who like formal-ish/fairytale weddings, when i want a hip, punk, fun, no stress, little work wedding. i mean, who knew it would be a big deal that after stewart and i got married we'd be living in a house with other people and still be poor. if you get married does that mean you have to have your own flat!? so strange! all of these expectations that people happily THROW on you the moment you say, "we're getting married!" grrr.
6. i said no to meat! i've gone back to veg! yes!
okay, and probably more than that, but i'm really thinking of the wedding pressures right now. people who want other people invited, people who go "oh" when i tell them that we're having a ska/punk band play our wedding and some dj that's a friend of ours, and the 80s inspired attire required! even people i don't know well are passing their judgements as if it's THEIR wedding! and their values and family we're destroying! bizarre! (okay, maybe i just need to go to bed).

so, with that, i'm GOING to bed.