whenever i type a key with my right hand its about a key over and im spelling all my words wrong. last night was a culmunation of a million little moments over the past week where i didnt sleep. i was climbing into bed, in my sleeping sweater even, and i called boy for our nightly 11pm-ish talk. not so smart when im trying to get to sleep. he told me that his brother died that day. his little, in his early teens, brother. the one who has been battling cancer for a few years. i dont feel like im at that place where i can give him support as a lover. if that makes any sense. i feel that i could give intense support as a friend. i dont even know what he needs. he left me the sweetest and saddest note this morning. saying thankyou for swooping in and making sure he didnt go home alone. but i was up until three in the morning playing that role. the one where i take care of someone, and not myself. i need to go to sleep right now.
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