There's been some sirens ringing outside for about 5 minutes, a gaggle of them getting closer to our neighbourhood, and they all culminated what sounds like a few blocks away. My mom lives a block away, so I naturally worry, then reassure myself: she's probably fine.
Tonight was benchmarking for our league in Ucluelet. I skipped last week because I just couldn't bring myself with all the stress going on in my life, to taking on my 25 in 5. Then I found out that they did it on an unmeasured track, and some girls were getting 36 laps (!!), which was going to be the case tonight. If I had gone and done my 25:5 on a smaller track I would've "benchmarked" and then would've had to retest my laps in a few weeks, which would take some of the pressure off. But half of this house we're in is sick with the cold, and that includes me, and I'm in no shape to get to Ucluelet let alone take on a benchmarking practice. I swear I'm not psychosomatically getting in my own way, but it sure feels like that.
I was emailing to a friend today that I'm the queen of self sabotage. There's some life changes coming down on me right now and I could easily suck it up and stick with the status quo I've got going on (which is pretty good), or breathe in really deeply and take a leap. There's a chance that even if I leap, things might not change. But if they do change, then I'm going to have to find my way back down to the ground, and navigate a bunch of stuff, like a true, bonafied adult.
So, basically, I'm freaked out. Will now put my nose to the grindstone and pump out this document that could quite possibly change my life (and if it doesn't, well, then I'm freaking out for nothing). XO