jumping out of the saddle

today i received my tights from we love colors in the mail. they're so amazingly saturated with colour, i heart them! i got these fuschia ones and sky blue ones too! i'm feeling very weighed down by a bit of a conflict that is happening within the house and it's hard b/c i'm not sure what's going on. it's making me feel very unsettled, somewhat alone, and nervous. i feel like i'm being put into this situation where confrontation is necessary (or inevitable) rather than just being present in one's body and talking it through as one goes! i'll surface with more details after we get back from Oliver, b/c then it'll make more sense. it just sucks b/c i feel like i'm constantly saying that i'm taking the burden for things. why is it because i act like an adult that i have to clean up other people's stuff? why can't people just tell me what they don't like about me and we can make ammends, rather than freaking out? bah!