7.05.2005

"i am nothing, if not with you"

at it again. so the rules for good blogging are that nobody likes to read these survey things (thanks cranberry for the inspiration). but the rules miss the most important thing. that us narcissists love them and read the ones we write about ourselves countless times.


1. Tell me something obvious about you.
more often than not i dont like myself.

2. Tell me something about you that many don't know.
even though i say that i have figured it out, often i am willing just to take all the paper, all the glue, all the zines, all my sketches, and all my interest in being an artist and burn it.

3. What is your biggest fear?
right now? never having the people i want to love me, love me.

4. Do you normally go the safe route or take the short cut?
usually the safe route (granny di, that's me!)

5. Name one thing you want that you can't buy with money?
that i cant buy with money? i know this is bad, b/c it was six years ago. but really, id give anything to eat hummus and be back in the row boat with laura right now.

6. What is your most treasured possession?
my skill for creation.

7. What is the one thing you hate most about yourself that you do often?
hate myself and wish i was 60 lbs lighter.

8. What is your favorite lie to tell?
that im not over it.

9. Name something you've done once that you can't wait to do again.
i had written "have sex" and then realized it said "something you've done once". just once? have sex in public.

10. Are you the jealous type?
yes.

11. What is the one person, place or thing you can't say no to?
jeff. kalin. caitlin. amanda. carly. rebecca. they will get "yesses" out of me forever now.

12. What's the nicest thing someone has ever done for you?
last week i got a letter from jeff that said he missed me and loved me and was proud of me. i held it together until he wrote, "love your platonic shadow, dont you ever forget it". and i cried.

13. If you could do something crazy right now, what would it be?
call the person im wasting my time crushing on and tell them it doesnt matter if they like me or not b/c i am hot shit.

14. When was the last time you cried?
last night i was listening to a cd randall made me. it had this "get up kids" song on it. it made me feel really lonely, lost, unloved, and fucked. so i cried.

15. When was the last time you felt so good that nothing else mattered?
yesterday. i realized that im finally not attracted to someone ive had a crush on for years!

16. Do you feel comfortable in public with no shirt on?
am i drinking?

17. Name something embarrassing you did while drunk.
acted too scared to play on the slide when wasted at nishi zao.

18. Name one person, past or present, with whom you'd like to spend the day.
right now, kalin.

19. Name one place you've never been and would like to go, and why. montreal. to hunt down the strut offices. go to the w hotel. and stalk hawksley workman.

20. What's the story behind your online persona/name?
ive answered this before, and its a boring answer. what is more exciting is that in about 10 minutes im going to make a grilled cheese sandwich. i havent eaten a grilled cheese sandwich in a LONG time. and you know what's more exciting than that? ive got fifteen and a half weeks until im in lotus land. where there are one dollar ikea breakfasts. all weekend snuggle fests. european soft core porn watching. and the best soy foam ive ever had. so soon. i cant wait. jeff, get your snuggle but on bitch!

2 comments:

Carly said...

i love reading these things!

Anonymous said...

I definitely have some of those same issues!! Sex in public, losing weight, hating myself, not having the love of the person I want.......

Waaahhhhhhh!!!!