"the furnace is burning, but its still cold i think"

*beleted!*

updated to add at six in the morning. i cant sleep. its hot out, already. and my neighbour, she's up weeding her garden. i feel like such an idiot. that i totally over reacted and now i dont know what to do really. where to go with all this. i feel sick from lack of sleep. and my jaw hurts from clenching my teeth in worriesome sleep. bleck, i feel emotionally disgusting. and shamed.

updated to add at twelve in the afternoon. its hot out. sweaty gross hot. i decided that i dont want to sleep on my bed anymore, after spending most of the evening sleeping on the futon in the living room. so, ive created a princess and the pea situation in the bed room. about the above im feeling more relaxed about it, but i still feel like a complete idiot. a complete cunt. a selfish, useless fool. weak weak weak. why did i have to react the way that i did? probably because i had been drinking. was overtly disappointed in myself. and regardless of my trying to convince myself to let it "slide" i just couldnt. now i feel that ive just fucked things up when they were going so well. i just feel so immature right now.