well, its one of those days where you realize that you made yet another fucking mistake, and you go and you try to change that mistake, but the damage is done. and i thought i was being truthful to myself, but i ended up inadvertedly hurting someone. which isnt really kocher. and when you love that someone with more than everything that you have in your body, but arent sure if you should love them still, or even if they want to hear that you still love them, yet arent sure where you want that to take you, and you'd just rather they leave a nasty comment along with the post, and make you feel so horrible you'd give them your first, and only, child. but you're happy that they didnt. and here i am probably getting in trouble for talking about things that i shouldnt. censoring myself. just like poor alex of course. and im not going to be indignant about it. and i honestly wouldnt slag anyone that i love or is close to me on this site because that's just not me. but, its also my blog. and i feel comfortable here, and i dont want to be anonymous. i dont know how to deal with this, and maybe there will be just plain jane posts from now on. i feel like im losing something. but making a mistake at the same time, no matter what i do.
today was exhausting. i went to sendai and we applied to get my working holiday visa extended until october 27th, so they definitely cannot convince me to stay an extra year. jason's always reminding me to keep my options open. but i want them to be vancouver options. not nihon options. if you know what i mean.
last night i went for tonkatsu with martin after my lessons. ive begun to befriend the 8 year old in my lessons (kenichi-kun), and we have terrible fun. it was raining like crazy, but that musty spring rain that makes you want to have sex and go for long bike rides. today i got a package from kalin with my cds in it as well as a bratty brit (my terminology) cd. and i love it. and to think this morning i hated british sea power, but now she's got me loving it. terribly fabulous.
((sorry.))
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