feeling better.

well, the shock of the student loan problem has worn off. ive done some website creation, checked out about setting up the net at home (cheaper than i thought), and have just let time have it subside. because there's nothing i can really do. so why freak out, right? unless someone wants to pay off my student loans that is. damnit i want a sugardaddy.

okay, updated ohsweetie

so, on sunday, went to sendai. talk about reentering japan. total culture shock anew. so many people, busy shops, and coach coach coach. they had this beautiful white bag with hearts. and of course i couldnt afford it. i barely bought anything in sendai. i went to starbucks (yes, graham, i went ;) and it was just the same!) and all the employees were young and hip and beautiful, just like in select stores in canada (b/c we all know that at some starbucks there are ugly uncool people, but not the ones i know. they're beautiful and hip hip hip!) i did buy a pair of chandelier earrings for 700yen. and then on monday i bought a thuggish hoodie for 1500yen.

ive come down with a nasty cold the last few days and i just bought some ricola here in yamagata, and it was expensive, but it does wonders for my throat (the japanese cough drops/throat lozenges suck!) and a box of celestial seasonings tea (for $6!!! ridiculous. but im so homesick i dont care) and then i just saw the perfect combination of shoe and bag. both white shiny vinyl with red accents. a perfect set for under 10000yen (100cdn), and puma. dammit. i want to go buy it right now, but with the csl debacle, i cant justify it. maybe when i get paid next week.

okay, so the other day i cried for the first time in a long while. a really long while, and it was a short cry. but i feel like a john kerry flip-flopper. i mean, im always changing my mind, and i feel like im not only letting other people down, but myself, and its just a mess. but, there's been some changes. basically, i dont think im moving back to terrace after this. and i was just so upset that i ungrounded myself, and i swear i havent put my feet back down yet, that i just cried. but, some things that i thought would anchor me to terrace have been "uprooted", and im trying to find a place to plant those massive feet of mine. so, i think that im going to root in vancouver. i dont know what this would really mean. but we'll see. I feel like im floating and i really want to land. IM DEAD LONELY (there, caps)
xoxo di.